It is about intelligence. Its about knowing your shit enough to justify not giving a shit any more. Its about understanding that the world will fuck you, and there is not one thing you can do about it. It is about raiding the twentieth century to make something new. There are no new ideas. Mash up songs. Remake classics. Cover versions. Re-living your life through these moments in pop-culture, which have raised and educated us more then any person ever did. Like strangers you know very well. It is not about religion, people going to churches every week to prey to be forgive, take away a clean slate, come back and do the same thing again next sunday. Watching people justify there lives by a rule book so they'll qualify for something that might happen when they die. Restricting their one life in the hope of something better when its over. But there may be no better than this. Maybe this is all there is.
It is about living your fucking life.
No restrictions. No rulebook. You are living today, fuck the consequences of tomorrow. There is no hindsight when your brain disconnects. It is about taking control. Seeing what you want and taking it, no matter what the cost. Isn't that what years of hollywood has taught us? Talk shows and current affairs programs and stories of inspiration saying you can't wait for life. Saying take it now. It's about living, fuck who you think you are, fuck what anyone else will do. Fuck the reaction. Your life could end at any moment. There will be no reason to it, no justice. When it's your turn, you will go. So fuck everyone else, your life is about you, right now.
Fuck people.
It is about equality. If someone fucks with you, you need to fuck with them. Its about revenge. About never forgetting. Forgiveness can come when the playing field is levelled. If someone burns you, you take it back to them. Bur harder. If someone steals your lunch, you steal their wallet. If someone breaks your pencil, you break their fingers. If someone fucks your boyfriend, you fuck their father. It is not about remorse. It is not about moving towards your future. It is about your life right now, impatiently standing still.
It is not about a reasonable person. A reasonable adult. Look at them doing nothing. The responsible people. The responsible nobodies. Look at them. Surviving. Working. Compromising. Look at them. It is about never compromising, never a step down. Its about getting in their faces, stepping up. Doing what you have to. You dont have to take shit from people like that. You do not have to take that shit.
It is not about community spirit. Helping your fellow man. Would it be responsible for me to step in and help? Yes. Would that person help me? No. fuck them. You can never guess what another person will do. You cant bank on them catching you when you fall. So they can't bank on you.
Fact: Assume the worst in people and you will be right more often than wrong.
These people are not your friends. Why would they be? It is not about learning a better way. Looking for meaning. You don't need it. You don't need forgiveness. I've heard all that shit before, that I can become a better person. That I can have a second chance. People will forgive me. But I don't want to live like that. Forgiveness. What sort of weak people would forgive me? Fuck them.
It is not about spoilt fucking rich kids always getting everything they want, having it handed to them. Spoilt little rich girls planning their fucking white-wedding life from the time they can understand fairy tales. They have everything. Except now. Now they're on your time. You make the fucking rules. You just take them. Fuck them. Dump them.
It is not about friendship. No-one has your fucking back. No-one is there for you. We live in a road-rage society. And you are alone. You are not part of a team. We are not in this together. It is about not caring about anybody.
Not one bit.
And everybody knows. Fuck them all. Dont fear them - that's what they want. They smell it, like dogs. It is not about fear - fear is fucking weak. It is not about guilt, they rely on guilt. On shame. Just be normal. Just be like everyone else. It is about your rules. You are not like them. It's not about single child syndrome. Attention deficit disorder. It's not about your parents. They fucking gave you everything. It is your fault.
Note to psychologist: Analyse this.
It is about smashed eye socketss and blood spattered shoes, and girls with one eye half open jolting and shaking and being fucked, fucked, fucked. Crying unconcious tears. Smearing makeup and vomit and blood. Is she dead? Is she dead? Then fuck her anyway. This is what you are. This is your fault. And they all know.
It is not about love. What the fuck would you know about love? Why should anyone love you? Even for a second, for a moment. Why should he? Why can't they have just loved me? Fuck you. What the fuck do I care? Analyse this, Dr. Suck it down. Ask me again. It is about no mercy. It is about no fear. Dont fucking look at me the way you are. I'd spit in your face as soon as speak to you. It is not about guilt. It is my fault and I deserve what is coming. You can't make me. You can't fucking make me. You are dead to me.
Take a breath. Lets go cause some more damage. Let's fuck some people up. Fuck people. Fuck them. What do they know? Analyse this bitch. It is about taking down everything.
It is not about guilt. I do not feel guilty. About the people I've hurt. I dont sit up at night crying and hating myself. That's how they want you to feel. What your taught to feel. All your life. You are trained to feel ashamed and hate yourself if you do bad things. It's what society relys on to feel safe. But guilt is fucking useless. Guilt is for people who think they can be forgiven. For good people. Because everyone wants to be a good person. Dont you want to be a good person? People ruin their lives because of guilt. Fuck themselves up. Blow their brains out. Because of guilt. People stay in relation ships they hate, work shitty jobs. Because of guilt. Fuck that. Fuck feeling guilty. Fuck feeling bad about what ever it is I've done. It is about rejecting guilt. And I dont give a fuck if your upset or angry. Do something about it if it will make you feel better.
Or maybe you shouldn't sink to my level. Take a deep breath. There, you're the bigger person now aren't you? Feel bigger? Now maybe you can sleep at night. I do not give a fuck about anything you do. Or say. Or feel. Feel bigger? Four stars for you. Now fuck off.
I refuse to feel guilt. Note to psychologist: I do not feel guilty for what I've done.
I don't care if your fingers got broken. If your face got cut up. If your daughter got bashed. What's done is done. I don't care if you hate me. I don't care. I don't care if you wont talk to me, if you want me to go away. Disappear. I don't fucking care. You think I need you? Fuck you. I'd love to see your face when it comes back around. I'd love to see your face staring up at me. And I wont fucking hold back. I wont feel bad for one second. I could tear your world apart. You don't know what i'm capable of. You fucking hate me? Hate me. Hate me you fucking pussy. I dont feel guilty for the world I am apart of. This what we fucking are.
Fact: Everyone has someone who hates them.
I refuse to be a safe little nobody. I refuse to be nailed down. A name in the phone book. A tax file number. It is not about guilt. Whats done is fucking done.
It is about me. I am 5ft something. I am a woman. An employee. A consumer. A patient. A liar. A hypocrite. I am a criminal. My father's daughter. My brother's shame.
A monster.
No amount of good deeds can bring me back. Some people are just bad people. Always will be. My life will not be about career prospects. Husband and kids. Sucking the boss's cock to get ahead. Politics. Religion. Corporate ladder. These things are gone for me. I dont feel guilty about the things I have done. It is not about them, their bullshit. We are not on the same team. We are bad people.
Fact: Bad people do bad things. Nothing personal.
It is about me, I dont give a fuck what you think. I dont want sympathy. This is who I am. I accept everything that has happened. I will live the rest of my wasted life. There is no coming back for me, there is no white light on the other side. So fuck it. My perfect life is now and i will take whatever i want. You dont like it, then fuck you.
I am not interested in your respect or attention or compassion. I do not want anything from you. I will not apologise or cry or cut my wrists longways and lay down in a tub of warm water. Fuck you. It means nothing to me if you hate me. I dont give a fuck. It is about me. And i will not tell anyone what they want to hear so they can shift me off to the next doctor who will prescribe me medication, numb my fucking brain, sedate me into being what they want. A tax file number. A nothing. Fuck them. Fuck you all. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not changing my ways. It is about my life. This is who I am. And if I ever feel guilt I'll hate myself as much as you hate me. And my existence will sicken me. I'll become what you want. A worthless, hopeless, pill-popping depressive. Just like your parents. Just like you. Fuck that.
I am a bad person.
I am a monster.
And I hope you fucking choke.
It is about living your fucking life.
No restrictions. No rulebook. You are living today, fuck the consequences of tomorrow. There is no hindsight when your brain disconnects. It is about taking control. Seeing what you want and taking it, no matter what the cost. Isn't that what years of hollywood has taught us? Talk shows and current affairs programs and stories of inspiration saying you can't wait for life. Saying take it now. It's about living, fuck who you think you are, fuck what anyone else will do. Fuck the reaction. Your life could end at any moment. There will be no reason to it, no justice. When it's your turn, you will go. So fuck everyone else, your life is about you, right now.
Fuck people.
It is about equality. If someone fucks with you, you need to fuck with them. Its about revenge. About never forgetting. Forgiveness can come when the playing field is levelled. If someone burns you, you take it back to them. Bur harder. If someone steals your lunch, you steal their wallet. If someone breaks your pencil, you break their fingers. If someone fucks your boyfriend, you fuck their father. It is not about remorse. It is not about moving towards your future. It is about your life right now, impatiently standing still.
It is not about a reasonable person. A reasonable adult. Look at them doing nothing. The responsible people. The responsible nobodies. Look at them. Surviving. Working. Compromising. Look at them. It is about never compromising, never a step down. Its about getting in their faces, stepping up. Doing what you have to. You dont have to take shit from people like that. You do not have to take that shit.
It is not about community spirit. Helping your fellow man. Would it be responsible for me to step in and help? Yes. Would that person help me? No. fuck them. You can never guess what another person will do. You cant bank on them catching you when you fall. So they can't bank on you.
Fact: Assume the worst in people and you will be right more often than wrong.
These people are not your friends. Why would they be? It is not about learning a better way. Looking for meaning. You don't need it. You don't need forgiveness. I've heard all that shit before, that I can become a better person. That I can have a second chance. People will forgive me. But I don't want to live like that. Forgiveness. What sort of weak people would forgive me? Fuck them.
It is not about spoilt fucking rich kids always getting everything they want, having it handed to them. Spoilt little rich girls planning their fucking white-wedding life from the time they can understand fairy tales. They have everything. Except now. Now they're on your time. You make the fucking rules. You just take them. Fuck them. Dump them.
It is not about friendship. No-one has your fucking back. No-one is there for you. We live in a road-rage society. And you are alone. You are not part of a team. We are not in this together. It is about not caring about anybody.
Not one bit.
And everybody knows. Fuck them all. Dont fear them - that's what they want. They smell it, like dogs. It is not about fear - fear is fucking weak. It is not about guilt, they rely on guilt. On shame. Just be normal. Just be like everyone else. It is about your rules. You are not like them. It's not about single child syndrome. Attention deficit disorder. It's not about your parents. They fucking gave you everything. It is your fault.
Note to psychologist: Analyse this.
It is about smashed eye socketss and blood spattered shoes, and girls with one eye half open jolting and shaking and being fucked, fucked, fucked. Crying unconcious tears. Smearing makeup and vomit and blood. Is she dead? Is she dead? Then fuck her anyway. This is what you are. This is your fault. And they all know.
It is not about love. What the fuck would you know about love? Why should anyone love you? Even for a second, for a moment. Why should he? Why can't they have just loved me? Fuck you. What the fuck do I care? Analyse this, Dr. Suck it down. Ask me again. It is about no mercy. It is about no fear. Dont fucking look at me the way you are. I'd spit in your face as soon as speak to you. It is not about guilt. It is my fault and I deserve what is coming. You can't make me. You can't fucking make me. You are dead to me.
Take a breath. Lets go cause some more damage. Let's fuck some people up. Fuck people. Fuck them. What do they know? Analyse this bitch. It is about taking down everything.
It is not about guilt. I do not feel guilty. About the people I've hurt. I dont sit up at night crying and hating myself. That's how they want you to feel. What your taught to feel. All your life. You are trained to feel ashamed and hate yourself if you do bad things. It's what society relys on to feel safe. But guilt is fucking useless. Guilt is for people who think they can be forgiven. For good people. Because everyone wants to be a good person. Dont you want to be a good person? People ruin their lives because of guilt. Fuck themselves up. Blow their brains out. Because of guilt. People stay in relation ships they hate, work shitty jobs. Because of guilt. Fuck that. Fuck feeling guilty. Fuck feeling bad about what ever it is I've done. It is about rejecting guilt. And I dont give a fuck if your upset or angry. Do something about it if it will make you feel better.
Or maybe you shouldn't sink to my level. Take a deep breath. There, you're the bigger person now aren't you? Feel bigger? Now maybe you can sleep at night. I do not give a fuck about anything you do. Or say. Or feel. Feel bigger? Four stars for you. Now fuck off.
I refuse to feel guilt. Note to psychologist: I do not feel guilty for what I've done.
I don't care if your fingers got broken. If your face got cut up. If your daughter got bashed. What's done is done. I don't care if you hate me. I don't care. I don't care if you wont talk to me, if you want me to go away. Disappear. I don't fucking care. You think I need you? Fuck you. I'd love to see your face when it comes back around. I'd love to see your face staring up at me. And I wont fucking hold back. I wont feel bad for one second. I could tear your world apart. You don't know what i'm capable of. You fucking hate me? Hate me. Hate me you fucking pussy. I dont feel guilty for the world I am apart of. This what we fucking are.
Fact: Everyone has someone who hates them.
I refuse to be a safe little nobody. I refuse to be nailed down. A name in the phone book. A tax file number. It is not about guilt. Whats done is fucking done.
It is about me. I am 5ft something. I am a woman. An employee. A consumer. A patient. A liar. A hypocrite. I am a criminal. My father's daughter. My brother's shame.
A monster.
No amount of good deeds can bring me back. Some people are just bad people. Always will be. My life will not be about career prospects. Husband and kids. Sucking the boss's cock to get ahead. Politics. Religion. Corporate ladder. These things are gone for me. I dont feel guilty about the things I have done. It is not about them, their bullshit. We are not on the same team. We are bad people.
Fact: Bad people do bad things. Nothing personal.
It is about me, I dont give a fuck what you think. I dont want sympathy. This is who I am. I accept everything that has happened. I will live the rest of my wasted life. There is no coming back for me, there is no white light on the other side. So fuck it. My perfect life is now and i will take whatever i want. You dont like it, then fuck you.
I am not interested in your respect or attention or compassion. I do not want anything from you. I will not apologise or cry or cut my wrists longways and lay down in a tub of warm water. Fuck you. It means nothing to me if you hate me. I dont give a fuck. It is about me. And i will not tell anyone what they want to hear so they can shift me off to the next doctor who will prescribe me medication, numb my fucking brain, sedate me into being what they want. A tax file number. A nothing. Fuck them. Fuck you all. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not changing my ways. It is about my life. This is who I am. And if I ever feel guilt I'll hate myself as much as you hate me. And my existence will sicken me. I'll become what you want. A worthless, hopeless, pill-popping depressive. Just like your parents. Just like you. Fuck that.
I am a bad person.
I am a monster.
And I hope you fucking choke.
tahliana:
Hmm
tireoghain:
Intense, very intense. But really passionate as well. It really evokes an emotional response, that piece of writing does.