lisa_why

Crisis of faith

Okay, so this may seem like a little much for a second journal entry, but I've got to get this out of my head.

I went to an Xmas concert-type thing tonight. It's the first time in like, probably 5 years that I've stepped foot into a church. I used to go to church (protestant) when I was younger, and I was in a youth group in high school. Hell, I was even part of "worship band" then as the lead singer.

To try and put tonight's feelings into words, I leave it to Kevin Smith. Have you ever seen Dogma? You know the part when Liz is talking to Bethany about how faith is like a glass of water, and that when you're a child the glass is small so it's easy to fill? She says as you get older, the glass gets bigger so the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. That's how I feel. Not empty per se, but missing something; something important at that.

I believe in a higher power, even if I don't call it "God". I believe in love and forgiveness. I believe in tolerance and understanding. I believe in peace and goodwill. I believe in good people.

I've been disallusioned with organized religion for so many years now that even when it starts prodding at me again I fight it as much as I can...It's like unconciously I don't WANT to believe in that again...

I've looked into other types of belief structures in the past as well. Paganism in specific. It really appeals to me, but what I'd really like to do is sit down with someone who knows and have a looong chat.

I dunno... I don't know how much sense this all makes to anyone but me. I guess what I really want is insight from people who have or are in the same position...

-+> Lis0r