Based on my medical history, test findings and opinions of my family doctor and specialist I saw this week, as well as some personal observations, all evidence points to a conclusion that I have suffered form a major panic attack.
I am not OK. I have been feeling nauseous a lot, because of my anxiety. I have no appetite and haven't been able to eat much. I am in a lot of emotional pain and I am not sure how long I can take it. I have hit the wall yet again and been having suicidal ideations as it does seem like a very logical solution, which if anything, to me is simply indicative of how much pain I am really in.
I have been through a lot of serious loss in a past couple of years - loss of importation relationships and couple of deaths, as well as I have had some pretty intense trauma come up. My quality of life is suffering and I do not seem to be able to get a chance to heal from any of this with so much overlap and intertwining. I feel at the end of my rope and at loss for ideas on how to make things better for myself. I also recently realized that I have agoraphobia which often causes me to be unable to leave my home.
I am feeling pretty shattered right now. I am wondering if amongst all other things if feeling connection with other humans can help me at this point in time. A friend suggested to make a list of people to reach out to and create a loving and supportive network, to help me through the tough times. I have hard time reaching out because it takes a so much of emotional resources that if I get rejected I have nothing left to help me deal with the rejection. So if you are reading this and you are someone who loves me and are interested in becoming part of my life saving team send me a text or PM me to let me know you are available <3
