lipstickbetty

Chapters...
Current mood: indifferent

I awoke from my slumber in a daze at 4:57am, rubbed the sleep out from my eyes and got up from under the covers only to be pressed with the chills. I was wearing a grey Hanes wife beater that was cut up severely at the top, and tight white boy short panties, my hair still up in a high bun from the night before. I stumbled into the bathroom in the dark and the residue of steam from whoever took a shower before me sustained. I turned the hot water on high and only slightly twisted the cold to joinI like my showers hot, so hot that it feels as if its burning your skin and steam instantly fills the room. I took a deep breath in and then out last nights feelings of hurt still dwelled and lay heavy on my heart.

I retrieved from the shower soppy wet and pull a yellow terrycloth towel from the brass holder on the wall. Patted my face dry and then wrapped it firmly around my head. I took my hands and cleared the mirror in a circle to see myself faintly in the mist. I continued to dry myself off and think about tonights events, then it rained on me that I forgot to shave my legs oh the horror. This will have to wait until I get home and prepared for tonights event with Andi.

I continued to my room and the cold draft of air shot up under my towel and a rage of goose bumps spread throughout my entire body of skin.

I had selfishly left the heater going while I was in the shower so as soon as I closed the door to my room I immediately felt gratified for a second while I felt warmth tingle beside me.

The vanity mocked me while I applied my daily facial ingredients. Self inflicted hate for ones self provided me with yet another heavy sigh and I continued to apply my epicuren rose Otto serum which is made out of Natural rose oil and will hydrate the skin without clogging the pores. A very good antiseptic, calming, soothing, healing tonic for the capillaries. It is a cell regenerator and an anti-depressant while it permeates in a way to allow the skin to breathe naturally. And then my eye cream which is specifically designed to stimulate, nourish and deep moisturize around the eyes. The Epicuren Eye Cream spreads as a thick full-bodied emulsion around the eye skin area, and they claim it takes less than 45 seconds begins to penetrate into the epidermis.

Then I begin to wonder why I do this; spend enormous amounts of money on things that Im not even sure work. I still ponder to myself in the mirror, and I cant think of why, all these beauty products and I still feel hollow. Youd think for hundred some odd dollars it would at least benefit you in some way or another.

I spent exactly 8 minutes applying my makeup. Bobbi Brown Moisture rich foundation ..3 which has just the right amount of yellow pigment for my skin, although I am usually somewhere between a ..3 and ..4. I let that sit on for a second before I begin the color. Fill in my brows quickly and off to an easy eye, Oasis from stila as the base/highlight, followed by Cedar from bobbi brown in the crease. A quick precise gel eye liner violet from bobbi brown. Its easily applied and almost waterproof. The violet compliments my brown eyes, or so I think so. I follow with mascara, i overlap them twice and move on to a slight brushover of powder to keep me form being oily. Add Laura Mercier bronzer to my cheekbones and Rose blush (bobbi brown) as well to add a pop of color. Followed by bobbi brown nude lipliner and fleshpot lipstick from mac. A bit of fudge lipgloss also by bobbi brown and i'm done...


I picked out a pair of black tahari slacks, with a grey button up shirt with white pinstripes (a shirt that seems to fit correct in all places except my bosom, it always looks funny and protrudes them awkwardly), along with a black pull over knit sweater to compliment my shirt and hide the embarrassing awkwardness, and 2 inch black stiletto heels. I put on my black wool pea coat, black leather gloves and grabbed my red purse. Im off

I arrived at the downtown train station at exactly 6:14am. I could see my breath and I reached in to grab my best friend these days, my ipod. Filled with a plethora of songs to satisfy my every want. My so called soundtrack of day to day life, sets the mood for which I choose to think in. I firmly adjusted the earphones to my head and I turned up the volume to the max, first song on shuffle that played was why Im so unhappy by dntel. And another deep breathein and out. I reached in for a smoke and enjoyed every puff that filled my lungs. Its the only thing that fills me these days.

I took the 6:35 train and it was right on time.

I sat up top above on the second floor and gazed out from the window, thinking, listening, and breathing deeply. And going over scenarios in my head of what I should have said and what I could have done differently. Songs from Lucero, the bled, sick of it all, lamb of god, valentine fist and unearth play (amoung other various artists that play while it shuffles) as I sit and sob inside.

I arrived at my destination. Queens of the stone age Im gonna leave you was playing on my head set. All the sheep flowed out of the train and flooded out to the doors in every which direction. Women in business suits and skirts offset by white socks and tennis shoes, students with over stuffed back packs, men with a tired stressed look on their faces. We walk in herds and trot downtown to the financial district where we all bundle inside big office buildings working away for the man.

I pass my office building on to my first destination every morning. Where Helen and Mike greet me everyday with smiles on their faces. Helen is a busty Greek girl who has a spirit of fire and a big heart. Shes got big hazel eyes and straightens her hair every morning. Mike is stocky with a big black mustache and more on the quiet side, but takes pride in what he does. I remember I saw him at a bar after work and I introduced him to friends, he then followed by Im the guy that feeds her every morning and smiled proudly. I liked that.

I look forward to seeing them, they make sure Im fed, always ask how Im doing and we chat for 5 -10 minutes everyday. I like them and they like me. It sets the tone for the remainder of the day. Today I had a large hazelnut coffee with half and half, and 3 teaspoons of sugar, along with the fresh plain toasted breakfast bagel accompanied by, sprouts, cream cheese, tomato and turkey. They expect me everyday at around 7, and wave energetically as they see Im coming in, Mike always has my breakfast ready(he always knows my order) and Helen- my coffee in hand.

I sat and chat with them for about 10 minutes this morning, and Im genuinely enthused to see and hear about their evenings and their plans for the weekends. I leave with a smile on my face and Im glad to have them in my life, even if they arent as close to me as others. For they leave a positive imprint on my outlook of people.

I leave them to go back and get to my office at about 7:09 am and shuffle everything in my purse to find my blue keycard to enter the building. *BEEP* I swing open the door and continue to the elevator. I push the button marked 3, it lights up and were off.

I get settled into my desk. Put my red bag down and open the brown paper bag that Helen so nicely folded (like how your mother used to give you brown paper bags with your lunch in them, folded at the top with extra care), I take out the bagel Mike prepared or me. Lay the bag flat and the bagel on top of it to my left hand side. The coffee on my right. Flick the switch of my computer and the day has begun. several meetings/appointments today with attorneys several of them Ive taken a liking to. They are pleasantly nice and I enjoy hearing about their lifes and how I can improve them.

I like my job, no in fact, i love it. It's the only thing i have these days. It's just enough to suffice me. Takes me away from my daily depression of other things that haunt and tease me...

to be continued...

Currently listening:
Life Is Full of Possibilities
By Dntel