lionboy

Hey there, poo-pee heads! I'm still alive, if only barely. Just thought you might want to know. The other day I landed myself in the emergency room. It started with nausea then I lost sensation in my hands and feet, followed by my forarms and lower legs until my I could not move my limbs at all. My hands were cramped up in this weird position like handi-man from In Living Color and... well I felt like I was dying. I couldn't talk straight because my mouth didn't seem to work all that well either. Speech slurred and shit. I felt like I was dying and I certainly must have looked the part because damned if they didn't rush me right in without the typical three hour wait one encounters in emergency rooms. They put IV injection sites in both arms and blew one of my veins in my right forearm big time, which means that I have one mammoth bruise rahtchere. Hurts like a motherfucker too. It's funny... You take your forearms for granted. Ya just don't think about 'em until they hurt like a kick to the groin every time they brush against something... The doctor asked me if I had done any drugs and had I been able to answer coherently, I might have said something along the lines of, "I wish. At least then I might've had some fun along the way." I vomitted thrice in succession and you know what? It was one of the most incredibly satisfying sensations I've ever experienced. Right up there with drinking three gallons of water and urinating after holding it for several hours. I say this because with the vomit the nausea subsided and as we all know, one of the most frustrating feelings in the world is intense nausea combined with an inability to regurgitate. So I puked, I blarqued, and bjorked some more after which the doctor administered an anti-vomit medication through one of my handy IV catheters. I was aware of everything around me but simply unable to do much of anything about it at this point. My stomach calmed down after it had emptied itself through reverse-peristalsis and slowly but surely, sensation and motor control returned to my limbs. After about an hour, I felt none the worse for wear and pretty fuckin' hungry too. They did bloodwork, they did a CAT scan of my noggin. After painstaking effort, I donated a significant quantity of urine. You try pissing when people are coversing at the top of their lungs outside your little curtained off area, not to mention wandering in and out without warning. 'Taint easy, I tellz ya. After all this, they tell me that they can't find a thing wrong with me. I'm free to go. The best they could come up with is that I hyperventilated due to the nausea. Oh. Did I mention that I had been to this indoor amusement park earlier in the day? I went on the rides, got a touch of motion sickness, and landed myself in the hospital. Not bad for a days' work, if you ask me.