Hey guys and dolls!
So I've been an SG for well over a year now, and it's occurred to me that you guys have seen me naked in all sorts of angles, but don't actually know much about me! I thought it was about time i started joining in with this blog homework and give all who are interested a little insight into me and my life!
There are so many lessons i wish i had learned sooner, but this one i believe will resonate with a lot of ladies (and gents) who have also experienced this.
"People can be cruel for no reason, and it is NOT a reflection on you"
This is a lesson that i believe is supposed to be instilled in us from a young age, but somehow i missed the message! You can read inspirational quotes and hear people talk about being kind no matter what for hours; "You may be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there will always be someone who doesn't like peaches" doesn't always cut it.
For some reason i grew up seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses and the firm belief that everyone is mostly kind to one-another with no hidden agendas... you can imagine my horror in realising this is not always the case!
For the most part, pardoning my human flaws, I am kind and accepting to almost everyone i meet, because it's in my nature to be that way; I'm a people pleaser and i always have been! I was always fairly well liked at school by my close group of friends, even when i was badly bullied i seemed to understand that a lot of the time with teenage girls, it truly was just a phase! I didn't hold a grudge or blame them.
However.. in my early 20's I encountered true ugliness and evil in human form, and it knocked those rose tinted glasses clean off my head! The friendship group i found myself in may as well have been a nest of snakes; ladies who would smile to your face and then the minute your back was turned discuss how you would be so much prettier if you learned to apply lipstick and lipliner properly, how my cheerful disposition and friendly nature annoyed them. It wasn't just me either; i think i heard every single member of the friendship group say or do something truly terrible about/to another!
Of course it wasn't just the bitching, when a group of humans get together the form almost a pack (wolf pack if you will haha) and it becomes almost an activity or a game to victimise an individual of their choice, and try to upset, embarrass or humiliate them - i'm sure a lot of us are familiar with this!
Over the course of a few years i was made to feel like i was back at school being bullied again under the guise of friendship, it brought back very difficult emotions i realised i had not dealt with from school, and i started to question things... Why? Why do a group of people gang up on an individual? Why would someone be horrible to one of their friends to make themselves feel better? Why would someone be so cruel to someone who did nothing to deserve it? Of course the question i always found myself dwelling on of course was "Is there something wrong with me?".
Of course there wasn't! Looking back now I find it ridiculous that i even would question myself at all; i'm great! I'm kind, i'm funny and i would do anything for my friends, there certainly wasn't anything wrong with ME!
At the time though it was a different story, i beat myself up for months on end and did everything i could to 'better' myself so i would no longer be victimised and i would feel secure with my friend group... i know, what a fucking idiot right?!
It took me opening up to my partner (that i had only just met) and telling him every detail of what went on; every bad situation i had been put in, every bitchy comment, every instance where i was bullied and knocked down by these horrible, horrible people, to realise that it certainly wasn't me that was the problem! Shortly after i broke ties with pretty much all of them and i have never been happier!
I now have a small group of good and loyal friends who i know would never treat me in such a way, and i do not take anyone's bullshit any more.
I think some people are just damaged souls, honestly. I sometimes lay awake at night and puzzle over how someone could knowingly do this to another human being... is this part of our nature? Our genetic makeup? It hurts my heart to think people could be so cruel just purely because it's in our nature, so i tell myself there MUST be some kind of reason for it? The need to break someone else down in order to make yourself feel good is engrained in to many people it quite frankly scares me, and the bullies who put people through this need to get help for it.
But anyway! That's a lesson i had wished i learned sooner, without it maybe i wouldn't be standing here today strong, confident, and unshakably proud of who i am.
Don't let anyone dull your shine <3
@missy @lyxzen @rambo
