lily

I just got out of Jail. and i hope all of ya'll never have to go. its weird when a gypsy gets her wings ripped. i walked out yesterday like a bad dream weird reality. i could walk out. no one watched me. head spinning. everything has been dictated the past fifteen days. we all brave women in here baby behind bars. outside world nonexistant. Just the sound of cards slapping on tables. Loud laughter. Defiant minds. My little rebel prayer for my Junkies, Whores, And theives. Whore cherie lived across the room from me. strong black hands she had. She sings out her daydream pain, says she's in a concert in her head, imagination that runs wild and me i'm sweating out these toxins and my jailhouse mama gots my back, telling me my eyes are too pretty to be a junkie. All thoughts swirl, couldn't sleep for days in there. yellow walls encase us all. Can't think. Deborah a few cells down from me tells me that they can take everything from me but my thoughts and my mind. use that girl, she says, fight with that. we dream out loud. we are all blood sisters for life, Telling out secrets, fears, hopes. Fighting, Loving, watching them sneak to the showers to fingerfuck.
"Behind enemy lines"
Screaming at the TV. We all know our enemies. sadistic guards linger. i wondered if they just woke up one day sadistic or it came after working here a while. But all my girls look sexy in handcuffs, 10 pm, In Texas, No money, just a little empty balloon of mexican brown that they stole from me. For two days i was cell mates with Jesse Lee Owens girlfriend. Jesse Lee was that black kid that got shot by that white cop, right here in bible belt texas, for no reason. he was zipping up his jacket. The officer claimed he thought he was pulling a gun. She said every girl in the ghetto cried the day he got shot. she said he was beautiful, rebellious, intelligent, i guess that made him a threat to the texas police.She's got his name tattooed on her kneck. Beautiful strong mexican girl. She taught me how to talk to god. We leave our marks all over these walls.
"You'll never know dear how much i love you until you take my sunshine away".
I've been in jail so long that i forgot that my name isn't "Little White Girl".
its nice to be in the free world. if thats what they call it.
Love, Lily