12:22 Saturday
I see her coming, gypsy skirt, beautiful black eye. She could tell you your dreams if she wasn't so busy destroying her own. Half heart keeps busy and the evangelical taxi driver keeps preaching to me. He knew me from back in the day when he would shuttle me from wallstreet fuck to wallstreet fuck to do cocaine with them and dance like a fucking whore. I used to get my inspiration from Mary Magdalene. Love is never lost. So I see her and tell god save us all man to pull over. He immediately says "Lily, that girl needs god." I step out into the cool air, broken and the beginning and turn around to pay the man before saying "Yeah, either that or a good bag of dope." He laughs because God fucker has a sense of humour. That's why we are friends. me and him, but he still insists on giving me a bible to give to her. I take it and rip out my favorite pages to hand to her. Her voice is scratchy and lost. "Me and John tried to kill ourselves" she smiles sick beautiful smile. I laugh "Oh really? Why?"..."Cause dude, I'm sick of this shit. God keeps fucking with me" she goes on "I mean we got three bundles and like 15 sticks between us. You figured that would have killed us, but no, some fuck had to call the ambulance. You would think that maybe the suicide note would have been a fucking hint. I swear if I ever find who called that ambulance, I'm going to fuck them up." I half smile at her angry determination. "Yeah, but you look fucking hot with a black eye." I tell her. I finally get her to smile. Mission accomplished. I take the pieces of bible that I prefer most and crush them into her hand and walk away.
7:15
"I'm going to snatch some bitches purse around here." He says giggling like he can't get the devil out of him. His overalls are dirty and smell like freight train. "Yeah, ok" I say "Have fun at Rikers." I add. "You'll write me, won't you Lily?" He laughs. "Don't I always" I ask. Fucking rhetorical. His pupils are dilated from smoking crack all night. He has a yamacha on his head, mocking all the hisidic jews that are in a sea around us.
He looks at me and nods like we are silently communicating and I just shake my head in disapproval as I watch him wade through the sea of people. After a while I can't see him anymore.I never saw him again after that night..
10:20
Rabbit looks tired from his long journeys. He's gotta get back onto the boat by the morning. That gives us just enough time to find trouble. I take him to CIA Rob's little apartment in the projects. CIA Rob is convinced that I'm his daughter. We walk in and he greets me with a huge smile. "Hey, Lil, Sorry to hear about the falling out with your road dog." He starts. "Don't worry about it, Rob, I trust fate and all of her fucked up tricks." Me and Rabbit go seclude ourselves in the bathroom. He laughs at the stainless steel dildo in the shower and we walk out in a daze. Life looks just a little bit more beautiful, A little bit more fascinating. Later we huddle under the dusty sky and agree to meet somewhere down south. We hold onto each other real tight and at that second I thought if the whole fucking world blew up that moment, I would die content. Maybe fast forward to a few years Rabbit can hold my hand when I die in some shitty hospital from liver failure and he'll sneak me in some liquor and we'll laugh about it. It was hard to let go but I never say goodbye.
And life goes on, one more day, maybe two, whatever happens will happen. Dia Jar is somewhere in Texas training for the army with my fucking heart bleeding in her pocket. Johnathans waiting for his execution and for me to get my ass down there to look into his eyes. His dreams all relate to one thing, FREEDOM. Jim is somewhere is Philly, wondering where I am, or more importantly who the fuck I am and where I came from...... And well I'll let Rabbit's words finish this entry from a jailhouse letter that I adore.. "The sun rises when it feels like it, Things to do or don't, Souls to buy. Whatever. Somewhere a politician is soliciting sex from a twelve year old boy and some guy right now is trying to decide whether to spend his morning dodging traffic for an hour just to reach a stagnant office cubicle or instead utilize his decaying day sitting comfortably on his couch masturbating into a pile of potato chips and personal mal-nourished feces and feeding his cheating bitches wife's cat while watching Dr.Phil manipulate troubled teens to turn to god for self indulgence and possible hope. The popcorn is stale and the kettles on and has been whistling for some time now, but the valium dulls the sound. Everyone looks lonely out of whatever window is nearest, but somehow it is still warm and endearing and the possibilities excite me when I haven't slept. Maybe I'll have me some kids"
Live Free, Lily
"Drop that, and now you want me to rap and give?
Say somethin positive? well positive aint where I lived
I lived right around a corner from west hell
Two blocks from south shit, and once in a jail cell"-Naughty By Nature
-Old pictures, but relevant to this entry...
Me + Rabbit
I see her coming, gypsy skirt, beautiful black eye. She could tell you your dreams if she wasn't so busy destroying her own. Half heart keeps busy and the evangelical taxi driver keeps preaching to me. He knew me from back in the day when he would shuttle me from wallstreet fuck to wallstreet fuck to do cocaine with them and dance like a fucking whore. I used to get my inspiration from Mary Magdalene. Love is never lost. So I see her and tell god save us all man to pull over. He immediately says "Lily, that girl needs god." I step out into the cool air, broken and the beginning and turn around to pay the man before saying "Yeah, either that or a good bag of dope." He laughs because God fucker has a sense of humour. That's why we are friends. me and him, but he still insists on giving me a bible to give to her. I take it and rip out my favorite pages to hand to her. Her voice is scratchy and lost. "Me and John tried to kill ourselves" she smiles sick beautiful smile. I laugh "Oh really? Why?"..."Cause dude, I'm sick of this shit. God keeps fucking with me" she goes on "I mean we got three bundles and like 15 sticks between us. You figured that would have killed us, but no, some fuck had to call the ambulance. You would think that maybe the suicide note would have been a fucking hint. I swear if I ever find who called that ambulance, I'm going to fuck them up." I half smile at her angry determination. "Yeah, but you look fucking hot with a black eye." I tell her. I finally get her to smile. Mission accomplished. I take the pieces of bible that I prefer most and crush them into her hand and walk away.
7:15
"I'm going to snatch some bitches purse around here." He says giggling like he can't get the devil out of him. His overalls are dirty and smell like freight train. "Yeah, ok" I say "Have fun at Rikers." I add. "You'll write me, won't you Lily?" He laughs. "Don't I always" I ask. Fucking rhetorical. His pupils are dilated from smoking crack all night. He has a yamacha on his head, mocking all the hisidic jews that are in a sea around us.
He looks at me and nods like we are silently communicating and I just shake my head in disapproval as I watch him wade through the sea of people. After a while I can't see him anymore.I never saw him again after that night..
10:20
Rabbit looks tired from his long journeys. He's gotta get back onto the boat by the morning. That gives us just enough time to find trouble. I take him to CIA Rob's little apartment in the projects. CIA Rob is convinced that I'm his daughter. We walk in and he greets me with a huge smile. "Hey, Lil, Sorry to hear about the falling out with your road dog." He starts. "Don't worry about it, Rob, I trust fate and all of her fucked up tricks." Me and Rabbit go seclude ourselves in the bathroom. He laughs at the stainless steel dildo in the shower and we walk out in a daze. Life looks just a little bit more beautiful, A little bit more fascinating. Later we huddle under the dusty sky and agree to meet somewhere down south. We hold onto each other real tight and at that second I thought if the whole fucking world blew up that moment, I would die content. Maybe fast forward to a few years Rabbit can hold my hand when I die in some shitty hospital from liver failure and he'll sneak me in some liquor and we'll laugh about it. It was hard to let go but I never say goodbye.
And life goes on, one more day, maybe two, whatever happens will happen. Dia Jar is somewhere in Texas training for the army with my fucking heart bleeding in her pocket. Johnathans waiting for his execution and for me to get my ass down there to look into his eyes. His dreams all relate to one thing, FREEDOM. Jim is somewhere is Philly, wondering where I am, or more importantly who the fuck I am and where I came from...... And well I'll let Rabbit's words finish this entry from a jailhouse letter that I adore.. "The sun rises when it feels like it, Things to do or don't, Souls to buy. Whatever. Somewhere a politician is soliciting sex from a twelve year old boy and some guy right now is trying to decide whether to spend his morning dodging traffic for an hour just to reach a stagnant office cubicle or instead utilize his decaying day sitting comfortably on his couch masturbating into a pile of potato chips and personal mal-nourished feces and feeding his cheating bitches wife's cat while watching Dr.Phil manipulate troubled teens to turn to god for self indulgence and possible hope. The popcorn is stale and the kettles on and has been whistling for some time now, but the valium dulls the sound. Everyone looks lonely out of whatever window is nearest, but somehow it is still warm and endearing and the possibilities excite me when I haven't slept. Maybe I'll have me some kids"
Live Free, Lily
"Drop that, and now you want me to rap and give?
Say somethin positive? well positive aint where I lived
I lived right around a corner from west hell
Two blocks from south shit, and once in a jail cell"-Naughty By Nature
-Old pictures, but relevant to this entry...
Me + Rabbit
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cool entry very interesting