lilmissmorbid

So yesterday sucked major amounts off ass for me.
Things are, thankfully much better this morning. Last Night Ash came over and we drank mimosas for the whole night talking about this and that and just laughing. I really needed it. I am not a cryer or a whiner but yesterday I hit my limit. I dont know if you guys saw the journal entry that started the whole thing but anyways its over and thank you all for your support and concern.
Now something funny did happen yesterday through all the shit.
I got the most kickass freak call at work I have ever had. I am going to try to type it as best as I remember but trust me it was fucking hilarious.
Me:Charlottes florist can I help you?
Him: Hi baby I was wondering if I could order flowers for mothers day
Me:Sure ( then I ask name address and all the other Bs of who its going too)
Him: he answers all the questions
Me: So what is it youd like to order?
Him: Do you have long fingernails?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: Do you have long fingernails, you know are they long?
Me: uh I guess so not super long but kinda I guess
Him: thats really nice what color are they
Me: can i put you on hold for 2 seconds to switch phones
Him: sure baby
(I really didnt need to switch phones but I was like thinking oh shit its a crank or i got a finger freak on the phone..So I made sure no bosses were around so i could play with him too.)
Me: Okay sorry about that .. so what would you like a basket or vase arrangement?
Him: what color are your nails?
Me: uh black
Him: Thats so sexy
Me: heheh thanks
Him: So how long would you say they are?
Me: hmm I dunno
Him: could you fit a dime underneath them?
Me: *silence*
Him: Or a quarter?
Me: well no probably not..
Him: How long are they? just estimate like whats the longest nail you have
Me: *laughing* Uh maybe a dime underneath the longest
Him: You know my ex had really long fingernails I use to pay her to stay at home so she could grow them long and not have to worry about working.. Would you like me to do that for you?
Me:I dont even know you you dont know me either
Him:I could pay for you to stay home and just grow your nails out for me you'd never have to work again. I did that for my last girlfriend you could fit a half dollar under her nails
Me: hmm that sounds really cool, but I dont know you and i think your kinda wierd.
Him: *laughs*
Me: I'm serious, do you do this often?
Him *silence*
Me: I can honestly tell you I have had some prank calls in my time but never one asking me about my fingernails
Him:*still silence*
Him: Do you know what I'm doing right now?
Me: Uh no
Him: silence
Me: Are you even going to place an order? cause I need to free up this computer if not.
Me: Hello?
Him: So would you grow your nails out for me?
Me: *laughing No I dont think so. Bye.
*click
He didnt call back either.
So I missed out on a chance to have a fingernail suggah daddy. Sucks to be me.

This song is fitting for the ode to 80's
New edition "Mr. Telephone Man
When I dial 6-1-1 paid service
She said hello, may I help you pleaseФ
I told her something must be wrong with my phone
Cause my baby wouldn't hang up on me
Chorus:
Mr. telephone man, there's something wrong with my line
When I dial my baby's number, I get a click every time
Mr. telephone man, there's something wrong with my line
When I dial my baby's number, I get a click every time
He let the phone ring
20 times before he answered
Let me tell you what happened then
A minute later, I got the operator, saying
УPlease hang up and place you call againФ baby
Chorus:
Mr. telephone man
There's something wrong with my line
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click every time
Mr. telephone man
Something's wrong with the line
(There's something wrong with my line)
When I dial his number
(When I dial my baby's number)
(I get a click every time)
Some strange woman is on the telephone (the telephone)
Keeps telling me that my baby, he ain't home (that he's not home)
He ain't got no party line, this situation blows my mind
Oh... I just can't take this anymore
Bridge:
Please operator, see what you can do
I dialed the right number, but I still couldn't get through
Would you just check the wire, his number one more time if you can
I'm pretty sure he's phone ain't being answered by no woman
Chorus:
Mr. telephone man
There's something wrong with my line
When I dial my baby's number
I get a click every time
Mr. telephone man
Something's wrong with the line
(There's something wrong with my line)
When I dial his number
(When I dial my baby's number)
(I get a click every time)
Must be a bad connection
With my loving affection
Ah Baby, I just can't take this no more
This situation blows my mind
Can't get my baby on the line
(On the line)
Chorus:
Mr. telephone man (I tried dialing information)
There's something wrong with my line
When I dial my baby's number (I get no cooperation)
I get a click every time
Mr. telephone man (Mr. on the phone telling me my baby ain't home)
There's something wrong with my line
When I dial my baby's number (ah baby)
I get a click every time (I just can't take it anymore)
Mr. telephone man (help me out)
There's something wrong with my line (please Mr. Telephone Man)
When I dial my baby's number (help me out)
I get a click every time (please Mr. Telephone Man)
Mr. telephone man there's something wrong with the line (Mr. Telephone Man)
When I dial his number I get a click every time...