lilknottygirl

oh, how my priorities have changed. i totally balked at paying $8.49 for a body scrub at target, vowing to make my own at home w/olive oil and sugar, but giddily plopped down $9 to buy a hello kitty purse for my daughter. she looked so excited, i had to get it. plus it's really a gift for me too, cuz she looks so damn cute running around w/it draped over her arm, and pulling things in and out of it. that's hrs of free entertainment (and peace while she amuses herself) so if you think about it, it was really a v prudent purchase. i also got little ponytail holders so i can put her hair in pigtails. i am becoming that mom. i didn't think i had it in me, but apparently i do. hopefully someone stops me before i start taking her to casting calls or entering her in pageants. although she would win, cuz she's the cutest baby in the world. seriously .
my bday is next wk and i am freaking the fuck out. internally that is. i don't know why. i'm only going to be 25 (cringe) and there is no reason for it, but i'm all stressed over it. i can't put my finger on what exactly is upsetting me or what exactly would make it better. i'm trying to just focus on what's positive in my life right now. i asked myself if things are better now than they were at this time last yr and the answer to that is an overwhelming yes. so why aren't i happier? why do i feel like i'm wasting so much time? and why does my bday become the focal point for all this discontent? i guess because it marks the passage of time. 6 mos can pass w/o much notice if you're busy and you might not be able to look back over it and say what you did or didn't get done in that time, but most people take note of their birthdays and i think alot of people set goals for themselves at that time, kind of like new years. so when it rolls around again and you're not where you hoped you'd be, you notice. i'm treading water and i don't know how to stop.