Whether as a result of hormonal insanity due to menstruation or just my own general insanity, I am again experiencing bouts of irrational hatred toward my son's father.
It's been six or seven months since we split up. It's been about two and a half years since I wanted to be in a relationship with him. So WHY, I ask myself, do I still experience these annoying feelings of anger and jealousy?
Is it because I am the custodial parent of a two year old and more or less never get a moment to myself, while he's out getting high, travelling, and fucking new and childless others?
Is it because I want to always have some hook in him because I have his child? I mean, I don't want the guy...he was abusive to me and neglectful to my child. He was immature and chronically jealous of his own kid. He was always blaming me for being unable to get high. He was always nostalgic about college and miserable about his present. He ignored our son and constantly either watched TV or trolled Ebay for cowboy boots. He made me feel like shit about having gained weight while pregnant, for being caucasian while he had an interest in black women. There are so many reasons why I can honestly say he was just a waste of carbon to us for the most part.
So why do I go through these jags of fucking hating him and being jealous of what he's doing, and who he's doing? Jeez, the sex wasn't even all that!
Two months ago, we had a birthday party for the baby at his apartment. We (my exhusband, who is again my partner and just an amazing man that I adore, and I) brought one of my partner's ex girlfriends to the party, since she was only in from out of the country for a few days. And my shithead ex fucked her after the party and I sat around and fuckin stewed about it for weeks. Because I feel like he should go fishing in his own pond. Yeah, he called me the next day to tell me about it. He said he did it to get back at me and my partner. WTF?!? And why the fuck was I so burned up about it?
Does anyone out there deal with this, too? Or am I just a juvenile asshole?
What do you think?
It's been six or seven months since we split up. It's been about two and a half years since I wanted to be in a relationship with him. So WHY, I ask myself, do I still experience these annoying feelings of anger and jealousy?
Is it because I am the custodial parent of a two year old and more or less never get a moment to myself, while he's out getting high, travelling, and fucking new and childless others?
Is it because I want to always have some hook in him because I have his child? I mean, I don't want the guy...he was abusive to me and neglectful to my child. He was immature and chronically jealous of his own kid. He was always blaming me for being unable to get high. He was always nostalgic about college and miserable about his present. He ignored our son and constantly either watched TV or trolled Ebay for cowboy boots. He made me feel like shit about having gained weight while pregnant, for being caucasian while he had an interest in black women. There are so many reasons why I can honestly say he was just a waste of carbon to us for the most part.
So why do I go through these jags of fucking hating him and being jealous of what he's doing, and who he's doing? Jeez, the sex wasn't even all that!
Two months ago, we had a birthday party for the baby at his apartment. We (my exhusband, who is again my partner and just an amazing man that I adore, and I) brought one of my partner's ex girlfriends to the party, since she was only in from out of the country for a few days. And my shithead ex fucked her after the party and I sat around and fuckin stewed about it for weeks. Because I feel like he should go fishing in his own pond. Yeah, he called me the next day to tell me about it. He said he did it to get back at me and my partner. WTF?!? And why the fuck was I so burned up about it?
Does anyone out there deal with this, too? Or am I just a juvenile asshole?
What do you think?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
lilbrokendolly:
Thanks for the feedback! It helps to know I'm not the only one with a shithead baby-daddy... 
madamleslie:
You're not the only one with a shithead baby-daddy! My best friend is still with her baby's father and he is the most low-life peice of $#*% I ever met in my life. He brought his daughter with him to a drug deal! She won't leave him because of the baby but damn, at some point, you gotta draw the line! BC he's fucking worthless. It bothers me what some men think they can get away with! I hope their penis' fall off.