What if?
I just don't know what it was
There was something about you.
I knew it from the start
From the moment Id first laid eyes on you
You had something indeterminately special.
I have to be honest
You weren't pretty
Not in the traditional sense
You weren't clever
Not in the academic sense
But you had that something
Something we all long to have
To have as part of our lives
For at least a little while
Maybe it was your smile?
Your apparent helplessness?
Your joy for life?
Maybe it was just pure lust?
or maybe your life story itself intrigued me.
To this day I still can't name it.
Cant pin it down
Or put my finger on it
But there was something
A something that drew me toward you
Drew me deep into your maelstrom.
And once I was there
I found it impossible to leave,
Stuck in the swirling chaos that toiled behind you
As you danced and leapt through life.
An eternity ago now it seems now,
Back then I was yours to have.
You had me, frozen
Like a rabbit in the headlights
Aware of my impending doom
But too smitten to care
I was hooked.
Line and sinker.
I hung on your every word,
Your every expression,
Your every touch,
Desperate for more,
for you to pay me some attention,
however large
however small,
I craved every magical second of it.
And basked in it like some giddy child.
But as this insignificant little rock we live on
continued revolving
spinning slowly
on our ever onward journey
around this star we sit closest to.
time moved on.
And like the seasons,
with the passage of time comes changes.
Entropy continues to increase
Lives continues to be led.
And out paths diverged
sucked down and out of the swirling whirlpools
that held me fast for so long
the distance between us grew.
Though like an tall mountain,
some things in life take an age to change
and an eternity to destroy.
It was hard,
to try and forget something I'd so hoped to nurture
But I tried.
I tried so hard
It ached inside me sometimes
but to forget, I began to push free
Out into the big bad world,
Desperate to find something
Something new that I longed to cling to
like I had to you
Things came and things went
and the memory of you,
though etched in my mind for all eternity
began to weather and diminish.
My life began to bloom.
The dark places I'd lurked
seemed cold and insular
and I began to eek out the warmer sunnier climes;
the places in my psyche I hadn't visited for years
I was no longer trapped in your shadow.
Trapped by that 'certain something' I'd never been able to pinpoint.
Free to wander
Free to learn
Free to love
From time to time, I take a trip back
Back to a high point in out time together
and survey what we once had
and then from my vantage point
I'd realize that had we had anything at all?
Like that 'certain something' you had,
I'm still not sure, if there was anything we'd had
I guess the answer to that lies within two minds
now separated by an ocean of expanding time
Destined to always be a
What if
I just don't know what it was
There was something about you.
I knew it from the start
From the moment Id first laid eyes on you
You had something indeterminately special.
I have to be honest
You weren't pretty
Not in the traditional sense
You weren't clever
Not in the academic sense
But you had that something
Something we all long to have
To have as part of our lives
For at least a little while
Maybe it was your smile?
Your apparent helplessness?
Your joy for life?
Maybe it was just pure lust?
or maybe your life story itself intrigued me.
To this day I still can't name it.
Cant pin it down
Or put my finger on it
But there was something
A something that drew me toward you
Drew me deep into your maelstrom.
And once I was there
I found it impossible to leave,
Stuck in the swirling chaos that toiled behind you
As you danced and leapt through life.
An eternity ago now it seems now,
Back then I was yours to have.
You had me, frozen
Like a rabbit in the headlights
Aware of my impending doom
But too smitten to care
I was hooked.
Line and sinker.
I hung on your every word,
Your every expression,
Your every touch,
Desperate for more,
for you to pay me some attention,
however large
however small,
I craved every magical second of it.
And basked in it like some giddy child.
But as this insignificant little rock we live on
continued revolving
spinning slowly
on our ever onward journey
around this star we sit closest to.
time moved on.
And like the seasons,
with the passage of time comes changes.
Entropy continues to increase
Lives continues to be led.
And out paths diverged
sucked down and out of the swirling whirlpools
that held me fast for so long
the distance between us grew.
Though like an tall mountain,
some things in life take an age to change
and an eternity to destroy.
It was hard,
to try and forget something I'd so hoped to nurture
But I tried.
I tried so hard
It ached inside me sometimes
but to forget, I began to push free
Out into the big bad world,
Desperate to find something
Something new that I longed to cling to
like I had to you
Things came and things went
and the memory of you,
though etched in my mind for all eternity
began to weather and diminish.
My life began to bloom.
The dark places I'd lurked
seemed cold and insular
and I began to eek out the warmer sunnier climes;
the places in my psyche I hadn't visited for years
I was no longer trapped in your shadow.
Trapped by that 'certain something' I'd never been able to pinpoint.
Free to wander
Free to learn
Free to love
From time to time, I take a trip back
Back to a high point in out time together
and survey what we once had
and then from my vantage point
I'd realize that had we had anything at all?
Like that 'certain something' you had,
I'm still not sure, if there was anything we'd had
I guess the answer to that lies within two minds
now separated by an ocean of expanding time
Destined to always be a
What if