lil_em

Something keeps happening to me that is really disturbing me and actually haunting my days. I keep on dreaming about Donna. She was always such a naughty girl when she was with us and even if there wasn't any mischief to be found in a situation, she would make it. That was the thing she'll be most remembered for, her sense of humour and naughtiness. She was an amazing character but obviously there was a darker side to her personality. She wasn't a particuarly moral person and slept with most of her friends' fellas at some point. She was also quite disturbed I think. She'd had quite a rough childhood and I think even when she passed away in October aged just 34, she was probably very depressed and addicted to substances such as alcohol and possibly (probably) drugs - the inquest is yet to be held but we don't expect it to be more towards the end of this year, early next possibly.

Anyway, Donna keeps appearing my dreams and I don't know what to do to stop it. She always appears as if haha and you thought I was dead!! Last night's was particularly upsetting as she'd been dead once already and we were in the back of a theatre waiting to go on and perform some form of ballet/dance routine and we all had like red and black costumes including black capes and fishnets and bright red tutus and red horns etc. (not the kind of stuff that I'd ever wear plus I've got 2 left feet!) It was the most bizarre scenario. So, Donna is there and has taken something and is in the toilets projectile vomitting spaghetti (not as in spaghetti bolognese, as in spaghetti in tomato sauce, yuck!). I was calling for the paramedics to get there asap as she was dying again and she'd already died once! As if you get more than one chance or something.

The next minute we're all doing this dance routine and she's hidden behind Sarah's cape who is standing in front of me. Donna and I were very similar build and so she pretends to be me. I don't know the dance routine so pretend and follow everyone else although I'm really bad and obvious to the audience that I'm a fraud and can't dance while Donna is amazing at all the moves. Yet, the men in white coats are trying to track her down in the dance troupe.

This is not a recurring dream, just one that I had last night and is really in the forefront of my mind today. I'm so confused and it's stopping me being able to concentrate all the time. This also isn't a one off. I have at least one of these nightmares every week and I don't know how I can stop them but if any of you have any ideas please tell me. I loved Donna to bits and I miss her loads but I saw her body in her coffin. I saw her and she was definitely dead. This is the only time I've had 100% proof of anyone I've lost and yet it's like she's playing on my mind, teasing me that actually she's not dead afterall and it was just one of her sick jokes! I don't know what to do but I'm getting more and more upset about it