Up and down, up and bloody fucking down.
After stressing big time about going "live" at my new job and talking to customer's when our systems FINALLY started working, I was feeling really low (again, yes I know) but knowing that I will have Charlotte home with me tonight makes me happier. With ZERO training on one of the two systems we use every moment of every day, I don't see how the fuck they can just drop us on the phones and expect us to be able to do the job properly! It angers me that after 2 weeks of training where we had no use at all of one of the two primary systems, being shown on a projector how to do things with no time to go through it all our self's at our own pace is just not good enough. Considering this system is so big, I have no idea where to find information that the customers are requesting , just dropping us in at the deep end is just stupid.
I've requested this Saturday off of work, not sure I am going to get it but they fucking better! Plus I've requested time off at the end of June for Bobby's parents wedding in Scotland which is just gonna be fucking insane. I'm supposed to be taking the photos too which will be stressful, just hope I can make them happy with it.
Things are going so much better with Charlotte, I know I have my moments where I am being too much for her, crowding her and being too clingy but I just can't help it at times. I know I'm mega needy and still need validation on things but I'm working on it and I hope / know she knows I am too. I wish I wasn't so up and down at the moment tho, some days and moments I'm feeling great and I'm really happy and others I'm just so down that I constantly think about running into the road and getting myself hit by a car and cutting up my legs so I can feel something else apart from the pain I'm feeling.
I'm able to talk to Charlotte about some of this but a lot of the time I can't because she can't cope with it, I do go over things over and over again and it is tiring for me to have to go over it, let alone her, but I feel I need to. My whole situation at the moment has been so so draining, although positive, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It hurts so much that people who I love, respect and enjoy the company of, just don't want to know any more. I've ended up shattering the friendship (of more than a few) and love of several people who I thought the sun shined out of their backside (most of the time hehe) and I don't think I'll ever have regrets as big as this, ever
ERGH, got to get ready for work.... Another 14 hour day today and I'm only getting paid for 10, BRILLIANT! (my travel to and back form work takes up the rest)
After stressing big time about going "live" at my new job and talking to customer's when our systems FINALLY started working, I was feeling really low (again, yes I know) but knowing that I will have Charlotte home with me tonight makes me happier. With ZERO training on one of the two systems we use every moment of every day, I don't see how the fuck they can just drop us on the phones and expect us to be able to do the job properly! It angers me that after 2 weeks of training where we had no use at all of one of the two primary systems, being shown on a projector how to do things with no time to go through it all our self's at our own pace is just not good enough. Considering this system is so big, I have no idea where to find information that the customers are requesting , just dropping us in at the deep end is just stupid.
I've requested this Saturday off of work, not sure I am going to get it but they fucking better! Plus I've requested time off at the end of June for Bobby's parents wedding in Scotland which is just gonna be fucking insane. I'm supposed to be taking the photos too which will be stressful, just hope I can make them happy with it.
Things are going so much better with Charlotte, I know I have my moments where I am being too much for her, crowding her and being too clingy but I just can't help it at times. I know I'm mega needy and still need validation on things but I'm working on it and I hope / know she knows I am too. I wish I wasn't so up and down at the moment tho, some days and moments I'm feeling great and I'm really happy and others I'm just so down that I constantly think about running into the road and getting myself hit by a car and cutting up my legs so I can feel something else apart from the pain I'm feeling.
I'm able to talk to Charlotte about some of this but a lot of the time I can't because she can't cope with it, I do go over things over and over again and it is tiring for me to have to go over it, let alone her, but I feel I need to. My whole situation at the moment has been so so draining, although positive, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It hurts so much that people who I love, respect and enjoy the company of, just don't want to know any more. I've ended up shattering the friendship (of more than a few) and love of several people who I thought the sun shined out of their backside (most of the time hehe) and I don't think I'll ever have regrets as big as this, ever
ERGH, got to get ready for work.... Another 14 hour day today and I'm only getting paid for 10, BRILLIANT! (my travel to and back form work takes up the rest)