So, while Charlotte is away I have watched all 3 extended version of The Lord Of The Rings films, Bleeding Through Wolves ion Wolves clothing dvd, Aliens, Alien 3 and now on the Clerks ten year anniversary dvd.
To say boredom is rife would be an understatement.
After an application for an unpaid photography assistant I applied for didn't got end up happening, I asked my friend Lara as the woman who takes her son's photos if she thinks she needed anyone. Went to her website and emailed through that and we started talking and am going to see her like next week. I was hoping for a meeting today, but she was busy and said the weekend but now it's been put back till like the 28th which is really really annoying as I'd rather know a lot fucking sooner and considering it's more than likely gonna be a fucking unpaid (but fun) position I'd rather fucking know sooner rather than later. I don't even mind if I'm not getting paid as it will be so good to be around a EXTREMELY talented photographer, learn about lights and technical stuff. I've always been a technical person as opposed to theory, which is ironic because I'm a lazy so on a bitch hahaha.
One thing that has got to me (yet again) is when I told Charlotte all this (on the phone as she was far too busy partying up in Scotland for Bobby's mum's 50th to talk to me.. Or call her Mum to discuss business stuff) she was like "oh, that's nice, That would be good". No "Fuck, that's awesome, you sorted it, good work" or anything like that. I'm not expecting fucking fireworks but at least a little enthusiasm would be fucking nice. Any time anything good, fun or whatever happens, she is the first person I tell, but when it's the other way round, I'm ALWAYS the last to know. I mean there has been time when my side of the family haven't been able to get hold of me and spoken to her and she can't even remember to tell me all that shit! I mean fucking hell!
I also hate that this is causing me such shit and my written blogs on here are usual just me complaining about her to the world out there.
I' now watching Anvil - The Story Of Anvil and I don't think I should be watching it as apparently it's really sad and moving. I don't really need an excuse to be upset at the moment and everything is a trigger but I generally feel better afterwards anyway.
Today hasn't been a good day generally, after not having Charlotte with me for a few days, I'm just feeling so lonely. Just having someone to sleep next to and wake up to makes such a fucking difference in my mood. As much as I may complain about her, she drives me mad etc etc etc I know that I don't think I would be able to live without her. I think at times she is one of the main reasons I haven't done anything stupid, but I'm far too much of a coward to do it because I don't think I could put people through the hurt that would come from it.
I dunno, I'm just talking shit now.
I know I do have some people I can talk to but sometimes you know that keeping yourself away from people is the worst thing you can do but I just haven't got the energy to get up and out. It's hard enough leaving the bedroom sometimes
Ah fuck it, I'm just being shit now. I know that certain people have offered an ear and I thank them, I'm just kinda not in the place to be able to talk on that level at the moment. I think this shit just gets worse when Charlotte isn't here, not that we talk about this stuff, my depression and such because I don't want to bring her down but there you go.
I know that I feel so much better when I have a job and have even a little bit of money because I can at least not worry about how long my food has to last me.
Here are some of our weddings pictures to lighten the mood :-)
To say boredom is rife would be an understatement.
After an application for an unpaid photography assistant I applied for didn't got end up happening, I asked my friend Lara as the woman who takes her son's photos if she thinks she needed anyone. Went to her website and emailed through that and we started talking and am going to see her like next week. I was hoping for a meeting today, but she was busy and said the weekend but now it's been put back till like the 28th which is really really annoying as I'd rather know a lot fucking sooner and considering it's more than likely gonna be a fucking unpaid (but fun) position I'd rather fucking know sooner rather than later. I don't even mind if I'm not getting paid as it will be so good to be around a EXTREMELY talented photographer, learn about lights and technical stuff. I've always been a technical person as opposed to theory, which is ironic because I'm a lazy so on a bitch hahaha.
One thing that has got to me (yet again) is when I told Charlotte all this (on the phone as she was far too busy partying up in Scotland for Bobby's mum's 50th to talk to me.. Or call her Mum to discuss business stuff) she was like "oh, that's nice, That would be good". No "Fuck, that's awesome, you sorted it, good work" or anything like that. I'm not expecting fucking fireworks but at least a little enthusiasm would be fucking nice. Any time anything good, fun or whatever happens, she is the first person I tell, but when it's the other way round, I'm ALWAYS the last to know. I mean there has been time when my side of the family haven't been able to get hold of me and spoken to her and she can't even remember to tell me all that shit! I mean fucking hell!
I also hate that this is causing me such shit and my written blogs on here are usual just me complaining about her to the world out there.
I' now watching Anvil - The Story Of Anvil and I don't think I should be watching it as apparently it's really sad and moving. I don't really need an excuse to be upset at the moment and everything is a trigger but I generally feel better afterwards anyway.
Today hasn't been a good day generally, after not having Charlotte with me for a few days, I'm just feeling so lonely. Just having someone to sleep next to and wake up to makes such a fucking difference in my mood. As much as I may complain about her, she drives me mad etc etc etc I know that I don't think I would be able to live without her. I think at times she is one of the main reasons I haven't done anything stupid, but I'm far too much of a coward to do it because I don't think I could put people through the hurt that would come from it.
I dunno, I'm just talking shit now.
I know I do have some people I can talk to but sometimes you know that keeping yourself away from people is the worst thing you can do but I just haven't got the energy to get up and out. It's hard enough leaving the bedroom sometimes
Ah fuck it, I'm just being shit now. I know that certain people have offered an ear and I thank them, I'm just kinda not in the place to be able to talk on that level at the moment. I think this shit just gets worse when Charlotte isn't here, not that we talk about this stuff, my depression and such because I don't want to bring her down but there you go.
I know that I feel so much better when I have a job and have even a little bit of money because I can at least not worry about how long my food has to last me.
Here are some of our weddings pictures to lighten the mood :-)
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Are you in a long distance relationship?
The wedding was great, went off without a hitch.... Until it came to when Bobby was supposed to sing the 3 songs he was going to sing for us. Here's a list of things that went wrong haha
1) The special microphone that we bought him for his birthday a few months later had been dumped into a bucket..... of water and was dead and couldn't be used. A couple of friends went straight to work to try and save it by stripping all non essential wire out of it and getting it open etc but it didn't work. With all this happening, the dj's / friends got Bob to use a pair of headphones plugged into the mic socket which kinda worked but while he was singing everyone thought it would be better without and start shouting at him to put them down, and he did.
2) Bobby put the cd with the backing tracks into his back pocket... and forgot about it and sat down somewhere at some point, snapping the cd in several pieces.
3) He sung the 2 songs he could with the music he had the correct back up tracks for the first two songs BUT the one for the third was only on Bobby's iPod and as I had put it on there, I knew we would be ok. WRONG! I somehow got the wrong one on there. So, he had to sing without the backing track. Which turned out amazing and with all that gone wrong, it kinda worked out amazing in the end and we wouldn't have had it any other way