likeclockwork

On my way to school today, sweating bullets about my finals, I realized that at this time of year each year I'm in the same spot. Not entirely screwed in any particular class (I can usually anticipate those and drop, what a strategy) but relying on strong finishes to come out ok. I never sweat particularly hard about any single test beeing too difficult, its just that I never seem to work hard enough throughout the year to a) have a secure grade regardless of the final or b) to feel satisfied that I gave a class my best shot. This feeling sucks. I hate wallowing in the theoretical. I do great in school for how fundamentally bad my approach is (attendence and overall engagement lacking something fierce). Its almost like giving myself an out so in the end I can only assess blame on the things I do, not on my intellectual merit. In any case, tonight will be spent writing 2 and perhaps 3 papers for my eastern philosophy class.

Anyways, back to the drive. In the middle of stressing I passed a Boulder Sheriff's van, complete with caged windows and convicts sitting inside (presumably being taken to jail). For a moments time, I felt good that I was living my life not their's. In the next moment, I kinda wished I was in that van. Nah, fuck jail.