Went and saw Sahara last night, it was actually pretty good. I didnt have high hopes for it but it turned out to be a fun movie. Its one of those movies you just kinda kick back and go along for the ride. Plus, Steve Zahn if really funny in it.
Theres a new zombie flix coming out in July, Undead I likes me the zombie movies.
No one got all the questions to my little quiz right, but many came close. I have to admit, Im surprised at how many of us did time in religious schools.But at least we all turned out to be perfectly normal individuals, right?
Below are the answers with some explanation. If you have any questions in regard to any of them let me know and Ill go into more detail.
The truth is stranger that fiction.
1. True or false
Ive had sex in a church.
================================================
True. When presented with a chance like that you gotta take it. Not many people can say theyve done it in a church. Well, ok, not many people outside of this web site.
================================================
2. Which of the following things did I not do to my most hated teachers aid who made my life a living hell with her holier-than-thou attitude?
a.Slash her tires on a regular basis.
b.Engage in sexual activates with both her virgin daughters. (Not at the same time)
c.Stold her license plate.
d.Urinate on the drivers seat of her car.
================================================
In my defense, not that its much on one, I was young, stupid and in the case of the drivers seat very very drunk.
================================================
3. Which of these incidences really happened to me while in one Christian school or another.
a.I was blackmail by a southern Baptist minister/principal, who force me to show him respect in front of the student body because he thought I was undermining his ministry.
b.Had a pastor call me a fucking shitbag who was going to burn in hell.
c.In a room with 50 or more people in it, I along with one other student didnt go up and get faith healed, and then fell on the floor and start speaking in tongues like eveyone else.
d.I was in a room full of small children when the pastor/principal told them that is no Santa Claws. And that the image of Santa represented Satan. The end result, a room full of crying children.
e.In the early days of AIDS, right when it was just starting to breakout in the gay communities really bad, I attended a chapel service where we were preached the following. We were the children of the Lord and need not fear AIDS. AIDS was Gods wrath upon the Sodamites. Only the fags, queers, fruits and homos got AIDS. This was later expanded to include some black people.
f.All of the above.
================================================
Got to love those wacky solders of God. Sorry messed up order. E is AIDS, F is all the above.
================================================
4. Which of these is a fake rule.
a.Boys and girls must always be at least 6 inches apart, so as not to be tempted by the sins of the flesh.
b.The only acceptable color for under-attire is white. (Underwear for the boys and bra and panties for the girls)
c.Anyone caught with there eyes open during prayer will get 3 swats. (Corporal punishment)
d.Chewing gum during chapel will result in automatic detention.
================================================
You only got one demerit for not closing your eyes during prayer. When you got three demerits, them you got swats.
To my knowledge only one girl was ever sent home because of the color of her underwear. All the girls had to wear shirts. One day another girl pulled her skirt up in front of everyone, the pastor/principal included, and she was wearing electric blue cheetah print panties. (It was the 80s what can I say)
================================================
5. Whats the most common event that happens when a group of kids from one Christian school get together with a group of kids from another Christian school?
a.Gang fight. Singing, dancing, finger snapping, think West Side Story.
b.Worshiping the Lord
c.Paring up and making out.
d.Roller-skating
================================================
Both C and D would be an expectable answer. C if we were unsupervised, D if we were. I spent far too much time in skating rinks. Bonus note: My first real kiss was at a place called the Skate Ranch in Coldwater Michigan. The song playing in the background? I want to know what Love is by Foreigner. Sad but true.
================================================
6. True or false.
In 1984 when Jessie Jackson was running for president, one of my teachers told me it was too bad James Earl Ray didnt have another bullet.
================================================
Also sad but true.
================================================
7. What happened to the 14-year-old daughter of a teacher when she got pregnant?
a.She got support from the church/school.
b.She was thrown out of school.
c.She was told that under no circumstances was she to contact any of the students from the school.
d.Both B & C
================================================
The girl was the youngest daughter of the teachers aid from question 2. She got pregnant the first time she had sex. Before someone asks, no I didnt get her pregnant. We did everything except intercourse.
================================================
These things took place between the ages of 12 to 18. And people wonder why I have such a bitter view of organized religion.
Go in peace my pretties and do no harm.
Theres a new zombie flix coming out in July, Undead I likes me the zombie movies.
No one got all the questions to my little quiz right, but many came close. I have to admit, Im surprised at how many of us did time in religious schools.But at least we all turned out to be perfectly normal individuals, right?
Below are the answers with some explanation. If you have any questions in regard to any of them let me know and Ill go into more detail.
The truth is stranger that fiction.
1. True or false
Ive had sex in a church.
================================================
True. When presented with a chance like that you gotta take it. Not many people can say theyve done it in a church. Well, ok, not many people outside of this web site.
================================================
2. Which of the following things did I not do to my most hated teachers aid who made my life a living hell with her holier-than-thou attitude?
a.Slash her tires on a regular basis.
b.Engage in sexual activates with both her virgin daughters. (Not at the same time)
c.Stold her license plate.
d.Urinate on the drivers seat of her car.
================================================
In my defense, not that its much on one, I was young, stupid and in the case of the drivers seat very very drunk.
================================================
3. Which of these incidences really happened to me while in one Christian school or another.
a.I was blackmail by a southern Baptist minister/principal, who force me to show him respect in front of the student body because he thought I was undermining his ministry.
b.Had a pastor call me a fucking shitbag who was going to burn in hell.
c.In a room with 50 or more people in it, I along with one other student didnt go up and get faith healed, and then fell on the floor and start speaking in tongues like eveyone else.
d.I was in a room full of small children when the pastor/principal told them that is no Santa Claws. And that the image of Santa represented Satan. The end result, a room full of crying children.
e.In the early days of AIDS, right when it was just starting to breakout in the gay communities really bad, I attended a chapel service where we were preached the following. We were the children of the Lord and need not fear AIDS. AIDS was Gods wrath upon the Sodamites. Only the fags, queers, fruits and homos got AIDS. This was later expanded to include some black people.
f.All of the above.
================================================
Got to love those wacky solders of God. Sorry messed up order. E is AIDS, F is all the above.
================================================
4. Which of these is a fake rule.
a.Boys and girls must always be at least 6 inches apart, so as not to be tempted by the sins of the flesh.
b.The only acceptable color for under-attire is white. (Underwear for the boys and bra and panties for the girls)
c.Anyone caught with there eyes open during prayer will get 3 swats. (Corporal punishment)
d.Chewing gum during chapel will result in automatic detention.
================================================
You only got one demerit for not closing your eyes during prayer. When you got three demerits, them you got swats.
To my knowledge only one girl was ever sent home because of the color of her underwear. All the girls had to wear shirts. One day another girl pulled her skirt up in front of everyone, the pastor/principal included, and she was wearing electric blue cheetah print panties. (It was the 80s what can I say)
================================================
5. Whats the most common event that happens when a group of kids from one Christian school get together with a group of kids from another Christian school?
a.Gang fight. Singing, dancing, finger snapping, think West Side Story.
b.Worshiping the Lord
c.Paring up and making out.
d.Roller-skating
================================================
Both C and D would be an expectable answer. C if we were unsupervised, D if we were. I spent far too much time in skating rinks. Bonus note: My first real kiss was at a place called the Skate Ranch in Coldwater Michigan. The song playing in the background? I want to know what Love is by Foreigner. Sad but true.
================================================
6. True or false.
In 1984 when Jessie Jackson was running for president, one of my teachers told me it was too bad James Earl Ray didnt have another bullet.
================================================
Also sad but true.
================================================
7. What happened to the 14-year-old daughter of a teacher when she got pregnant?
a.She got support from the church/school.
b.She was thrown out of school.
c.She was told that under no circumstances was she to contact any of the students from the school.
d.Both B & C
================================================
The girl was the youngest daughter of the teachers aid from question 2. She got pregnant the first time she had sex. Before someone asks, no I didnt get her pregnant. We did everything except intercourse.
================================================
These things took place between the ages of 12 to 18. And people wonder why I have such a bitter view of organized religion.
Go in peace my pretties and do no harm.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
step away from the computer, jack.