liet

Once upon a time in Japan, I went into an ink shop. What do you want? - asked an artist on a break. A kanji, - I said. Yeah, - I understood how stupid I must've looked just then - a foreigner with no in-deep knowledge of an alien culture, grabbing for what is perceived cool in my culture. Shamelessly robbing it without respect or care. "Dragon", "Fierce", "Unbeatable" - they have had foreigners of all shapes and sizes come in for things like that. Foreigners pay money. Money puts bread on your table, a fancy car in your garage and a gorgeous girl in your bed. Money - that's the god that those stupid foregners worship. It is a god that does not care for race or creed. It is a god that promises kingdom of heaven to absolutely anyone and, different from other gods, provides it well before afterlife. Only the strong and the stupid do not worship it... They guy in front of me was neither. Neither was I. What will it be? - he asked. Well, - I said, "restless", or rather "anxious", or rather a combination of the two... Do you have something like that? - I asked asked a ten minute monologue, trying to explain exactly what I wanted. No, - he said after a long pause. And so I walked out. I stepped out, not angry, or disappointed, but confirmed in my suspicion. If I were going to get a kanji symbol, I were getting it in Japan. If I didn't find the right kanji symbol, I weren't going to get one. I walked on... Anxious... Restless... How can I explain "levoton" or translate it to Japanese? It is just a simple word, but to me it is so much more - it is an acurate definition of my state of being. When I change, it will become just a simple word for me too, but if I change, I will no longer be searching for the correct kanji to embed in my skin...