Well, friends, hello and jeez it's been awhile! So, much has been going on in the last few months and one of those things is allowing me to return to this place i adore: I finally got a MacBook! Hurray! my first laptop ever! Currently I am sitting on a porch in Michigan, USA, drinking cup number whatever of dark, dark french press coffee and chain-smoking cigarettes and I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing...
Every autumn I drift from a performance head-space to a visual one and this year that transition has come a little sooner than usual. Having done 8 solid weeks of my solo monologue/puppet show and flanked it on either side with 2 months of Shakespearian parody ensemble work, my brain got fried. So I turned down another show gig and am just taking it easy doing henna tattooing for a while. There is something truly lovely about holding women's hands and drawing on them. Amazing.
On a related note, I just this weekend did a full hand (both sides) piece on this hot biker chick that just got a set accepted into SG!! Should be in the queue anythime now and I'll forward the info as I get it. Of course, Kijikazi, now Nikhita (?) has a set in her profile that although sadly rejected, is gorgeous nonetheless and her smile is to die for! Yay, you!!!
As far as romance goes, things remain as odd and beautiful as ever.
I have again fallen in love with a woman who identifies herself as a lesbian. I say 'again' because no less than 75% of the lovers I have had in my life were either gay or bi with a preference for women. My newest relationship has brought to the fore two rather intense issues for me:
1) My own feelings of being trangendered. As cliche as it is, I really feel that I am not a boy. Being comfortable in my own skin (that which has a penis) has been a rollercoaster of late as I spend more time with girls who like girls and are a bit (or a LOT) confused by their attraction to me. I think I'd like some help here from anyone with insights at all. (I'm actually half about to tear up at the moment... odd. What strange buttons we have.)
2) I'm getting a bit stressed by the labels of straight/gay/bi etc. I am genuinely confused. When someone is Straight, many who are not preach "Oh, just open up. What's a label? Try it. Love has no gender." But I have recently and repeatedly run into what seems like a hypocritical disdain by the gay community for bisexuals. (Not that that isn't coming from the hardcore heteros as well...) It just feels like heteros are often encouraged by gays to 'open up' to new experience but these same folks are putting negative pressure on people that identify as gay but still want to 'open up' to the possibility of romance with a member of the opposite gender. A dear, dear lover told me that she fears that her 'gay membership' is going to be pulled if she sleeps with another boy. Each lover I have had who identifies as gay, has clarified: I can enjoy sex with a boy, but I NEED a woman as a partner. I get this. Truly. I could possibly enjoy sex with a boy myself, but I too NEED women, in a way that I don't need men.
I'm not trying to pick any fights here. I am just truly confused. I need insight. I guess it might help if I knew any boys who regularly got involved with women who identified as lesbians and girls who regularly got involved with gay boys. Please help. It feels kinda lonely here.
In any case, I also got a new tattoo and will post pics of it very soon. They are currently at my myspace, which is
myspace.com/reverend_drip
the profile is private but friend me with a message so i know who you are. love to have you there too!
also, my solo show page is
myspace.com/deathstandsup
that's my professional profile and has a couple of comics that i drew as well.
love to all. i miss you.
-jdm
Every autumn I drift from a performance head-space to a visual one and this year that transition has come a little sooner than usual. Having done 8 solid weeks of my solo monologue/puppet show and flanked it on either side with 2 months of Shakespearian parody ensemble work, my brain got fried. So I turned down another show gig and am just taking it easy doing henna tattooing for a while. There is something truly lovely about holding women's hands and drawing on them. Amazing.
On a related note, I just this weekend did a full hand (both sides) piece on this hot biker chick that just got a set accepted into SG!! Should be in the queue anythime now and I'll forward the info as I get it. Of course, Kijikazi, now Nikhita (?) has a set in her profile that although sadly rejected, is gorgeous nonetheless and her smile is to die for! Yay, you!!!
As far as romance goes, things remain as odd and beautiful as ever.
I have again fallen in love with a woman who identifies herself as a lesbian. I say 'again' because no less than 75% of the lovers I have had in my life were either gay or bi with a preference for women. My newest relationship has brought to the fore two rather intense issues for me:
1) My own feelings of being trangendered. As cliche as it is, I really feel that I am not a boy. Being comfortable in my own skin (that which has a penis) has been a rollercoaster of late as I spend more time with girls who like girls and are a bit (or a LOT) confused by their attraction to me. I think I'd like some help here from anyone with insights at all. (I'm actually half about to tear up at the moment... odd. What strange buttons we have.)
2) I'm getting a bit stressed by the labels of straight/gay/bi etc. I am genuinely confused. When someone is Straight, many who are not preach "Oh, just open up. What's a label? Try it. Love has no gender." But I have recently and repeatedly run into what seems like a hypocritical disdain by the gay community for bisexuals. (Not that that isn't coming from the hardcore heteros as well...) It just feels like heteros are often encouraged by gays to 'open up' to new experience but these same folks are putting negative pressure on people that identify as gay but still want to 'open up' to the possibility of romance with a member of the opposite gender. A dear, dear lover told me that she fears that her 'gay membership' is going to be pulled if she sleeps with another boy. Each lover I have had who identifies as gay, has clarified: I can enjoy sex with a boy, but I NEED a woman as a partner. I get this. Truly. I could possibly enjoy sex with a boy myself, but I too NEED women, in a way that I don't need men.
I'm not trying to pick any fights here. I am just truly confused. I need insight. I guess it might help if I knew any boys who regularly got involved with women who identified as lesbians and girls who regularly got involved with gay boys. Please help. It feels kinda lonely here.
In any case, I also got a new tattoo and will post pics of it very soon. They are currently at my myspace, which is
myspace.com/reverend_drip
the profile is private but friend me with a message so i know who you are. love to have you there too!
also, my solo show page is
myspace.com/deathstandsup
that's my professional profile and has a couple of comics that i drew as well.
love to all. i miss you.
-jdm
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
well, much like you have been missing on here, so have I, so it's taken me a while to realise you'd blogged again, sorry I took so long in getting to it.
Well, sounds like a merry pickle and no mistake. Do people have to draw borders? You've always seemed to me to be some one who is very happy being open and embracing whatever you feel is right. I can understand the confusion, though I don't think I'm very qualified to offer much advice.
What would Bob say?
Hope you're well, and you've come a bit closer to an understanding, if that's possible.
Take care,
Dan
Oh, on a totally unrelated topic, I saw Tool live a few weeks ago, and they were absolutely amazing, I would never have believed 4 people could make that wall of sound. And they played 'the pot'
Hope to hear from you soon