Sisters, Brothers, Lovers---

I listen a lot. Almost as much as I talk. Most of that earspace goes to those suffering from the pain that relationships can be. Very often I hear something like this:

"I just want one lover. How hard is that? Someone who needs me, who can't live without me. Someone who will be there forever."

I note this because of what I say to the Universe, late at night...

"I just want two or three lovers, who want me but are perfectly fine without me and who will walk with me until our roads split. How hard is that?"

Apparently, regardless of the side of the middle-road that we are on, few of us are finding those wishes granted. At least, for very long.

I AM a romantic. I once read a definition of 'romantic' that said: "A Romantic is someone who will not settle for less than exactly what their heart desires." I like that a lot. I am also a Slut. Currently celibate, but a slut nonetheless. A Slut has been defined as someone who believes they deserve as much intimate contact as they want. As I am getting pretty much all the sex that I can handle (currently: none), that remains true for me.

I came out of the closet as a Slut after reading "The Ethical Slut", a book I often tout as more or less holy. I came across it thru serendipity, when I needed it most, and spent most of my energy on the topic that was destroying my life: Jealousy (i.e. that jealousy is a load of crap and a tremendous waste of time as well as an insult to the ideals of Love). I not-so-simply came to the conclusion that I matched all of the descriptors in the book of what a 'slut' is and, well, like finding the SG community, took a bit of comfort in knowing that I was not alone in my opinions of Love in this nutty ol' world.

I spent two years in romantic bliss, crossing paths with people who would become Lovers, (or rather, were instantly Lovers, but became people I would have sex with as well), never slamming doors on relationships, deciding I would never again have an "Ex". By repeating the mantra, "If I would not be HONOURED to sleep with someone, I will not," I realized that I slept around no more with free rein for myself than when I was squeamish of the multiple relationships that I hungered for. Then, I slipped on the monogamy banana-peel again and for all the perfect loveliness of that relationship, the pain of its demise was... well, let's just say I'm just not someone who wants that pain. Perhaps I am a coward. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not.

(By the way, the above Honour rule is one of only two that I have. The other is: If I can't imagine laughing out loud with someone during love-making [dirty, nasty, sweet, beautiful, rough, transcendental sex] then I cannot do it, either.)

The Universe is not a series of beginnings and endings. It is a continuous flow of transition. Pairing off as a couple often is a matter of drawing some line in the sand. "Well, it's you and me kid. Us against the world." It's a Beginning. Beginnings, created within a reality of constant flux, are in direct opposition to that reality. Beginnings are not natural. Of course, Beginnings also require endings. It is the way of Absolutes. Even many concepts of God, as Creator, are defined as having neither Beginning nor End.

Love is boundless, forever, without beginning, without end.

The above statement, for me, epitomises romance. It does not require one to believe in monogamy, nor does it demand that the believer embrace sluttery. It simply says what it does. It presents four premises. Will we fight the urge to pick one or some of those premises at the expense of the others? Or will we welcome all aspects of Love into our hearts?

Slut? Monogamist? Slutty monogamist? Whatever. Let us choose Love. Let us choose to accept ALL of Love... Not just the parts we like best.