Well just a while ago after finally having some long awaited time together (cuddles, talks, wink wink nugde nudge 😉) he got emotional.
For those who are not aware he has cancer which has no cure and he is becoming weaker and weaker.
And as he was getting emotional he said something that i can understand what's going on in his head but i am not sure what to feel.
He said "the scariest part of it all, not the saddest part but the scariest part is that i have to arrange a funeral... for me, my own funeral.."
And all i could do is remind him that i am there for him. And that i understand a lot more than what most people can. I had the fear from him strike me for about a minute now it's just... confusion of what i am meant to feel.
Emotions have never been something i've been good at mainly because i grew up mot being allowed emotions.
But atleast tonight we had a good little while spent together and he got to open up about it.
I think i will need to up my game so i can be able to make him laugh a bit more. I know when im around him his laughs are geniune, they not be as big as they used to be but he deserves it and deserves happiness in the time that is left. I just hope i can find more strength to keep him laughing.
I know i have to strength to help him and to get through these troubled times together but i want more strength to make him smile and laugh.
I'm not looking for solutions or answers but just typing this out has given me the strength i need and i hope that if there are others out there having a hard time just tell someone, get it off your chest and smile and laugh as much as you can because you deserve it. Live everyday like it's your last and cherish the people who are around you.
This world is full of misery and suffering but that doesn't mean we have to be. Be careless, be carefree, laugh, joke and smiles and enjoy every minute! We will all go at one point but we can go happy and show life who's boss!
LAUGH, JOKE, SMILE!!!
❤❤❤❤❤
