lexiie

When every time some asks about my parents or ask if I am close with my parents and I have to respond with "oh I don't speak to my parents" and then the automatic respond is "oh don't do that, they're your parents" or "oh what did you do to make your parents stop speaking to you?" or my personal favourite "oh they'll forgive you!" to which I do the only thing I know which is the laugh in their stupid clueless face! And respond with "yes they are my parents, but doesn't mean I have to keep them" or "that's right you stupid idiot, jump to conclusion and judge me about being a bad child while I'm standing here watching you buy drugs in front of your young children" or "bitch please! they need MY forgiveness!"

Now let me explain. I am a 2nd child, female and Chinese. Firstly, my mother is a proud and traditional Chinese woman. So because I'm not the first child and/or a male I was absolutely useless to her. The only purpose I had was to give her a grandchild. So she gave all of the love and attention and effort to my brother. And Secondly, my mother is also a narcissist, so she spent all of her time neglecting, putting me down, calling me names, and beating me up on a daily basis. And I don't mean a smack on the bum, I mean a wooden rod from before I was 10 and after I was 10 it was a metal rod. It was often on the thighs, ribs, arms legs, or anywhere except the face (obviously). It all depended on where she could hit the hardest which us squirming around. I often had dark large bruises that lasted a long time due to my health. No one could see these bruises because my mother would wrap us up in to much clothing that often I would get sick from overheating, because she was a germophobe and a fear of getting sick.

My earliest memory of abuse was when I was 4 or 5 y.o. and I couldn't understand my mother speaking in Chinese and she all of a sudden started threatening me with a butcher's knife and shoving it in my face to scare me. I didn't know what was happening or what to do. I was a child!

In my teenage years, she would take my welfare money and my work money and not give me any. So I would have to save up any pocket change just to buy a little something for my self, however if mother found out then she would take it from me or not give me anymore money until my saved up money was gone. This went on until I moved out when I was 19. Also in my teen years verbal abuse got worse because I dobbed her into Child Protection, it was constantly call me mental, strange, not normal, black/poison heart, poison hands and many more.

picture grade 4

There were also many times when my mother failed to provide medical attention when needed. I had to run away and get police involved to get the medical attention I needed. And that was just my mother and only "some" of my experiences.

My father on the other hand was absent for 14 years because my mother took me and my brother and ran away multiple times. To me, I don't care who did what. We were separated for a long time and I was determined to make up for that lost time, unfortunately my father didn't have the same idea. Every time I show my father a picture of my art work, friends or pets all I ever got was a nod. Then it was back to (surprise, surprise!) "how is you brother?" and my brother doesn't even speak to my father. Or "how is your studies?" or "are you spending time with your mother?" NO! why? and for the next couple of year my father was always pushing me to spend time or even to moved back in with my abusive mother.

Then when he found out I was trying out for a tattoo apprenticeship and wanted to become a tattoo artist he ignored me for 6 months, then questioned why I no longer acknowledge him. I could go on and on but you need 20 years to get through all of the shit my parents put me through.

picture Kindergarten

So before people assume I'm a bad child and I'm a horrible person for not acknowledging my narcissistic abusive parents, they need to know that not every child is born with loving parents. Not every child has a loving and caring family and not every person is blessed with a great or even just the basics of life. And not everyone is gifted with a chance for a normal life. So before you decide to judge me, just know that even though my parents never cared for me, I still somehow learned to care for my friends and was there for them every time they needed. And maybe I am a bad child, but that doesn't make me a horrible person. Everyone else may be stuck with their family because they're "blood" but I choose mine. And my family are not all blood and certainly not even the same species! (my cats)

ps. I can be an angry person, this is a result of the trauma and I can be angry about certain memories or events. I personally don't like drugs (lost best friends), at the same time don't care if you do.