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Reflecting on my upcoming 28th BIRTHDAY....

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a woman...
by Angela Osmond on Thursday, August 25, 2011 at 8:34pm
I have put away childish things...

This has a tendency to pop into my head from time to time. As my 27th Birthday has passed, I have become more aware of what I need to do with my life. More so what to expect from my life. I was a mess all doom and gloom on my birthday dwelling on the lingering feelings I felt as a young adult. I had not given anyone a chance to let me think otherwise because I was too wrapped up in my own dark birthday place. I did it to myself, spent the day dwelling on the lack of calls, msges and just plain acknowledgment. Like a child. I am however not a child. I need to stop acting like one.

If I wanted to have a great birthday I should have set up an event and tried to get all my friends together as oppose to assuming something would just happen.

I cannot assume anything of anyone and I think we all need to learn that... All we have is ourselves. It may seem like a sad statement but the wonderful magical world we see as a child is most certainly not the one that exists.

I felt like I was alone in the world and came home to a pleasant surprise. I felt like I had at least the people I had that night.

Yet, I had msg upon msg on my wall. Now... I know it is super easy to just say Happy Birthday to someone on FB and be half assed about it. I am not by any means saying that is what was on my wall. I didn't even expect what was on there. I was touched and felt great to know that people remembered. Even though there was a lil reminder from Facebook no doubt.

I am not a child anymore and I can't expect people to do the things I want them to if they don't know that I do. If that at all makes sense. I need to take life by the balls. Make goals and meet them.

I've learned that you can't rely on anyone, in the big picture when it comes to your own life and happiness. People will come and go. They will appear and disappear with no warning, no reason or a reason that is so feeble and unimportant or a reason that is with every fiber of it's being worthy of such. The way you deal with that is up to you.

Life if too short to worry. This I think is my greatest discovery. You cannot worry so much about the things in life you cannot control. To be honest there is nothing in life that can be controlled other then what you do and how you deal with what life throws at you.

I have done great things in my life, helped people and made people happy but I have also disappointed and done wrong doings in my life. I am not perfect. I am trying to figure out this whole game called life as much as the rest of us. I am never going to be perfect and to be honest I'm not sure I really want to be.

All I can be is me and only now have I began to see who I really am. I know that I have a lot to work on. I need to be more proactive in my pursuit of happiness as oppose to dwelling and focusing on the wrong doings I have endured and caused. Once something has been done there is no turning back. It is a matter of your maturity about the situation and your genuine wanting to resolve an issue that will allow you to move on.

I am who I am. I will always be. But I know... Work is direly needed to help me put away the childish things. I am closer to 30 then 20. I cannot live my life to make others happy. Life is too short.

I use to dwell about how the year ahead of me on my birthday would be as messed up and useless as the years past. It was my negative thinking and attitude that has perpetuated this cycle. Oh... perpetuated cycles of negativity. I bid you farewell.

This is the year of change. The year of growth. The year to stand up as an adult and make something of myself. Nothing will just fall into my lap. I need to take measures to ensure that I get all the things in life I want and need.

Positive thinking, surrounding myself with positive people and moving toward the goals that drive my being are more then necessary. If I don't do it now... when will I. The time is now.