leonheart

frikkin hair dye >_< so see... i use the Loreal Color Rays to dye my hair red usually ... and this time i wanted a change ... so i decided to get the purple from the same brand and the red to make a mix on my head :p ... and so i did the purple first tonite ... (didn't fo the red yet) ......
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so fucking pissed off ... what makes it worse is that the guy she's staying at lives like 10 frikkin minutes away from me... yay i get to see her wen they have their shopping to do, then i have to leave.... shows how much she wants to see me *thumbs up* but of corse she promised everyone else in toronto to see them... so...
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What do i do?

well, of corse she's still coming to T.O. for the weekend, and i can still only see her for the few hours on saturday...

do i suck it up, and go see her for those few hours?

or do i not go and see her?

and yea, i kno she won't care wether i do or don't go ... or atleast...
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oh yea ... with the fight we had... everything's fine... we talked for a few hours on the phone and we're okay now <3

so i spend my entire da today and last night thinking of how sorry i am and how i will suck up anything i have to say and be as sweet as i possibly can to her... and do whatever it takes... i go to work after school and talk to kevin and he tells me to do the same right....

so i come home...
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ouch. that hurt.

fuck you Ameer, fuck you to hell! WHy can't you not hurt the people that you say love!? WHY can't you just be happy? WHy can't ou just LET things GO!?. WHY CAN"T YOU JUST NOT GIVE A FUCKING SHIT!!!! you're ruining her by being with her. you're destroying her. STOP IT! IF YOU PLAN ON STAYING WITH HER, THEN DO WHATEVEVER THE FUCK IT...
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screw this! i'm done! i'm out of here! WHY CAN"T I JUST STOP! Why CAN"T I NOT HURT THE PEOPLE I FUCKING LOVE!? Why can't i just make them happy ... maybe they'll be happier without me...maybe...


...stop thinking like that... you are what she wants... you can make her happy... you neve kno... she ight be happier without you... but don't even think of...
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I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, and my journals clear... and to just keep my thoughts and feelings in my fuckin' head.

why always me?

...it's always my fault... and it's me saying that. ... i'm sorry...

i hate this shit.

well it's something i had to deal with with my ex too... who even tho we barely saw eachother, would go with her friends the few times we could have seen eachother. And haha now, even so early in the relationship it's happening again. what's gunna happen later on? x_x ... she's in T.O. for 3 days and i get to...
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i said it once and i'll say it again. why can't i just be happy with what i have T_T ... i can't always have things the way i want them ... i gotta learn to accet things for what they are ... but sometimes it's not easy with certain ppl wen they're so different, with the way they are, than you're used to >_<...
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fuck you, you stupid bitch. it's all about what you Imply. NOT what you say..