lenoredoll

Ive been craving cigarettes as of late. Really bad. Ive had months of being all good and not craving, but now its been hitting me hard for a good 2 weeks. Im resisting the temptation to go to the market at the corner right now by writing instead, but I think this is making it worseand so I stop.

The lack of inspiration is killing me. I miss having a muse. I dont have many friends right now by either choice or busy and/or conflicting schedules. The new friends I have are not the kinds I can talk completely freely with. I mean I can be myself and such, but to be very open with, Id need them to know more of my back-story. I know they wouldnt be very comfortable with the back-story stuff. What is one to do

I dreamed of her a few nights ago. She walked right past me and I froze. I said hi, and then she noticed me. She looked really well and happy. She had new friends that looked all polished with hottie-hottie, fake-and-bake tans. I was with friends who were more like me, awkward looking and nerdy. Me on the fringe and her in the mainstream, I guess thats how I figured wed end up. I was fine with my group, but I started to sob in my dream. I hate how she can still break my heart without even being around.