leningrad

This ship is sailing uncertain waters. I'm not sure I'm cut out to captain the vessel of my own life.

I'm trying though. Things are pretty much on the up and up for me. Nothing heart-breaking has happened in the last little while. So I'm doing fine. Lotus is going to Vancouver for the weekend. I expect bouts of lonliness, punctuated by work. Asreal and I are supposed to be going to see Broken Social Scene on Saturday night. I think I'm more interested in taking pictures than I am in the show itself.

Lately, I've been feeling so disconnected from the way my life operates. Every day passes like I was underwater. I come up for air when the sun goes down, spend some time trying to figure out where I am, and sink back into it when I wake up. Eight hours pass and I don't remember details. It's not a memory-loss problem, just that everything seems to be out of focus.

I can't imagine things being any different, however. I keep making mistakes and trying to fix them. Balancing every decision with a pound of flesh.