*i got in a hugeorific fight with the heartbreaker over the phone. (really how else would it be done with dealing with him???)
*
clytie and her daughter came over and helped me change my doorknob lock and to go to the store to the store with me get a padlock. (NOW LETS ALL TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK ABOUT THIS...I DONT THINK THAT IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY..dude fucking told me last night to "stay away" and this morning told me to "F U C K O F F DUDE!" so yeah with those things AND the shit that has been happening as of late i decided the locks needed to be changed. is that nuts? i dont think so)
*when leaving the apartment saw that the mail has arrived for the day. in the box i see a phone bill. i open the envelopel to see its heartbreakers bill. so pissed off as i am at him at the moment and how much of a dickface hes been lately i search it for unknown to me numbers. WHAT DO YOU THINK I FOUND FOLKS? IF YOU GUESSED A LOT OF FUCKING CALLS TO ONE CERTAIN NUMBER LASTING IN DURATION FOR ANYWHERE UP TO 23 MINUTES AND MILLIONS OF TEXTS YOU HAVE GUESSED RIGHT. PLEASE HAND IN YOUR ANSWER SHEET TO THE MAN AT THE FRONT OF THE ROOM AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE YOUR PRIZE.
*go to victorias secret, buy a new bra. pissed equals sexy right? try calling the weird number to see who it could be, hoping for a male voice to answer. but nothing. no answer. now the part that hurts me most about this is when looking at the phone bill he talked to her for almost two hours in 2 weeks and me about 28 minutes. he would call her right before and after work. when he used to call me. even if something fucked up wasnt going on something fucked up WAS going on. he wouldnt talk to me for more than two minutes. it just hurts to know that connection or whatever is there with someone other than you....
*decide to drop off only the first page of phone bill at the shop where heartbreaker "does his thing" hand it to coworker and within five minutes get a phone call from asshat asking for the rest of the bill. fuck that. call weird number again and get a fucking girl on the phone. ask who she is. and tell her her number is on my HUSBANDS phone bill alot and i want to know who it is. she hung up.
*texted dude and told him i talked to his "girlfriend" and paybacks a bitch.
wow i sound incredibly mean and vindictive dont i? i guess a broken heart does that to you.
*call the girl back and find out its a tattoo artist from another shop (whom i know. who also stood in front of me looking me in the eyes telling me she has goosebumps when i was describing my wedding to her a few years ago. anyway she goes on to tell me that yes they are friends and blah blah blah. fishy. just fucking fishy. then at the end of the conversation proceeds to tell me that she will talk to me whenever i want to talk because shes not afraid to talk to me. she also told me i should not be calling her and talkign to her about it i should be talkign to my husband. yes, that would be fucking nice but yknow what, hes a pussy. he doesnt answer the phone and he hasnt said anything to my face. whatever. i felt bad for freaking out on her when i first started talking to her and i was being nice.
clytie tells me too nice.
*get a call from heartbreaker telling me he kicked the door to the apartment in and blah blah blah im so fucking smart for changing the locks.~~~ hes a fucking asshole. i make my own decisions. and hes stupid to think i wouldnt have changed the locks. when you act like youre never coming home, you never will be able to come home.
*then did laundry with
clytie and her daughter..did lots of cardancing to promiscous girl and other such fun girl cardancing songs.
hung out with her for awhile.
*came home and danced around to the latest cd i made full of fun songs.
"and thats when she says i feel the pain. and shell never fall in love again." ~damian marley
"you cant hide from the truth cause the truth is all there is" ~handsome boy modeling school
"in the days of kings and queens i was a jester.." ~atmosphere
"write down my number but dont call me til youre sure." ~tupac
"i aint gonna thug tonight. im a stay home and make love tonight." ~neptunes
"and i just dont know what to do when your disguise begins to show" ~chiodos
" name the last time i wrote about something other than you."
"nothing is perfect but it has to be someday." ~chiodos
and here i sit now. be here now. at four am. i cant describe the emotional rollercoaster i have been on in the last four months. numb. still not believing. broken. foolish. disrespected. hurt. lost. lied to.....
XOXOXOXOXO
Pisces...
Quickie:
Ignore the external world today. Material goods are too fleeting -- focus inward.
Overview:
What's the point of winning if you lose friends, family and your sense of self along the way? That's a pretty empty victory. Think about what really matters in your life and keep a sense of perspective -- and fun.
There may be a lot of noise and excitement around you, but you will be all too happy to stay outside of the activity. Your energy will flourish in quieter surroundings, with few (if any) people around you. If you could blink yourself to a desert island for the day, today would be a good one to choose. If you can't get as much alone time as you'd like, try using music to escape from reality. Climb inside your own little world and you'll find a new level of contentedness.