Lemonkid's Guide to Paris part 1 of ? - Con Men, Thieves, & Street Toughs Edition
Con Men - How to Avoid Being (Badly) Cheated in Le Jardin des Tuileries
Con Men - How to Avoid Being (Badly) Cheated in Le Jardin des Tuileries
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
It's a proverbial picnicking day in Le Jardin des Tuileries, the sky is clear, the sun is out, the tourists are carrying way too much audio-visual equipment and the dew resting on the lips of the con men is autumn-sweet.
Now some of you know that I'm a man of many hobbies, a student of many disciplines. One such discipline is the short con. I'm also a traveler with an open mind to new experience so while I'm casually strolling through the Tuileries waiting for Ophelie & Ente to arrive and a man who claims to be an artist wants to do something I acquiesce. First mistake. The man is wearing black shades, has a huge grin, and a pleasing banter. He begins talked about my trip to France, meeting sexy girls, and sexy girls I might have back home. In fact I mostly just remember him repeating the word sexy a ton of times, trance word, and so we talk. Of course by allowing him to start tying some kind of multicolored string bracelet around my arm, I'm going to feel subconsciously indebted to him.. advanced psychology, con man psychology. But that's ok. So when I go to give him a few Euros for his trouble (keep in mind it takes him about 1 minute to tie the bracelet).
When I reach for change he's like no no no, give me a bill and I'll give you change. Keep in mind this is all happening very fast, so I pull out a 20. He's a fast talker- using a technique I can best summarize as "razzle dazzle" to get me to forget how much money I've given him. He's also never mentioned the price, so he's simultaneously bargaining with me for how much he wants for the bracelet. We settle on 8 Euro, not because I'm so happy with the price, but I do notice about three "Freddies" in the vicinity (known as 14 week Freddies for the amount of time you'll spend in the hospital if you have a run in with one) so I try to bargain as best as possible. Dude then tries to short change me, I recognize it, get the rest of the cash. "Ahhh a businessman" he says with a knowing look in his eyes. "You're good," I reply, and head off.
I do leave with the bracelet, witnessed a master con man in action, a good story and 8 Euros the shorter.. if the razzle dazzle was totally effective if would be more like 15 Euros.. so I'm not entirely unsatisfied.. which of course is part of the very advanced psychology of the con. I don't report it to police, not worth the hassle. I recognize the psychology, but still it works.. powerful stuff. 8 Euros per 2 minutes work.. not bad if you can get it. I also immediately remove the colorful bracelet as it's immediately marking me as a tourist/mark to any dips (pickpockets) than might be in the area, friends of the con man.
It's a proverbial picnicking day in Le Jardin des Tuileries, the sky is clear, the sun is out, the tourists are carrying way too much audio-visual equipment and the dew resting on the lips of the con men is autumn-sweet.
Now some of you know that I'm a man of many hobbies, a student of many disciplines. One such discipline is the short con. I'm also a traveler with an open mind to new experience so while I'm casually strolling through the Tuileries waiting for Ophelie & Ente to arrive and a man who claims to be an artist wants to do something I acquiesce. First mistake. The man is wearing black shades, has a huge grin, and a pleasing banter. He begins talked about my trip to France, meeting sexy girls, and sexy girls I might have back home. In fact I mostly just remember him repeating the word sexy a ton of times, trance word, and so we talk. Of course by allowing him to start tying some kind of multicolored string bracelet around my arm, I'm going to feel subconsciously indebted to him.. advanced psychology, con man psychology. But that's ok. So when I go to give him a few Euros for his trouble (keep in mind it takes him about 1 minute to tie the bracelet).
When I reach for change he's like no no no, give me a bill and I'll give you change. Keep in mind this is all happening very fast, so I pull out a 20. He's a fast talker- using a technique I can best summarize as "razzle dazzle" to get me to forget how much money I've given him. He's also never mentioned the price, so he's simultaneously bargaining with me for how much he wants for the bracelet. We settle on 8 Euro, not because I'm so happy with the price, but I do notice about three "Freddies" in the vicinity (known as 14 week Freddies for the amount of time you'll spend in the hospital if you have a run in with one) so I try to bargain as best as possible. Dude then tries to short change me, I recognize it, get the rest of the cash. "Ahhh a businessman" he says with a knowing look in his eyes. "You're good," I reply, and head off.
I do leave with the bracelet, witnessed a master con man in action, a good story and 8 Euros the shorter.. if the razzle dazzle was totally effective if would be more like 15 Euros.. so I'm not entirely unsatisfied.. which of course is part of the very advanced psychology of the con. I don't report it to police, not worth the hassle. I recognize the psychology, but still it works.. powerful stuff. 8 Euros per 2 minutes work.. not bad if you can get it. I also immediately remove the colorful bracelet as it's immediately marking me as a tourist/mark to any dips (pickpockets) than might be in the area, friends of the con man.
Fightin' Thieves or How to Avoid Getting Robbed at Pigale
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
After a crazy night of dancing at Le Locomotive in Pigale, the heart of Paris' red light district, with Ophelie, Ente & co, I'm forced to take a cab back to Place des Fetes.. it's 3 am, transit is closed, and so on.
So I'm trying to flag a cab and this squirrely little man who says that he's with club security and helps people find cabs (yeah right) is pointing me in the right direction to the cab stop. Something obviously doesn't feel quite right, but I'm half-drunk so feeling a little more generous than usually. The guy asks me if I'm from Bretagne (SE region of France), I tell him I'm a Canadian. Second mistake. (first was not immediately telling him to fuck off) So I thank him and expect him to go his way. He doesn't.
I flag and cab and lo and behold! As soon as I hop in my "friend" hops in the cab as well. I look at him as in - WTF are you doing in my cab. The cab starts rolling, now the guy starts saying give me the money for the driver, we need to pay the cab (we've moved 2 feet).. etc etc, obviously intending to grab my money and run. I tell the cabbie to stop, now I'm screaming at the thief (keep in mind this is all in French) who's trying to physically make a run for my pocket (wrong pocket too asshole). So I start really yelling "Lache moi monsieur!"
Then I just react. It turns out that my reaction if you're a weird creepy dude who follows me, then hops in my cab, then tries to aggressively pick my pocket is... I punch you in the fucking face. Holding off his thieving little fingers with my right, I use the left hook that I've learned in boxing/martial arts classes. BAM, BAM, BAM. I don't think he was expecting to be punched in the face. By this time the cab has stopped and he's throwing us out (don't blame him).. and the thief takes off... I don't even see the direction in which he runs. I hail another cab and head home. Somewhere Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson are proud.
After a crazy night of dancing at Le Locomotive in Pigale, the heart of Paris' red light district, with Ophelie, Ente & co, I'm forced to take a cab back to Place des Fetes.. it's 3 am, transit is closed, and so on.
So I'm trying to flag a cab and this squirrely little man who says that he's with club security and helps people find cabs (yeah right) is pointing me in the right direction to the cab stop. Something obviously doesn't feel quite right, but I'm half-drunk so feeling a little more generous than usually. The guy asks me if I'm from Bretagne (SE region of France), I tell him I'm a Canadian. Second mistake. (first was not immediately telling him to fuck off) So I thank him and expect him to go his way. He doesn't.
I flag and cab and lo and behold! As soon as I hop in my "friend" hops in the cab as well. I look at him as in - WTF are you doing in my cab. The cab starts rolling, now the guy starts saying give me the money for the driver, we need to pay the cab (we've moved 2 feet).. etc etc, obviously intending to grab my money and run. I tell the cabbie to stop, now I'm screaming at the thief (keep in mind this is all in French) who's trying to physically make a run for my pocket (wrong pocket too asshole). So I start really yelling "Lache moi monsieur!"
Then I just react. It turns out that my reaction if you're a weird creepy dude who follows me, then hops in my cab, then tries to aggressively pick my pocket is... I punch you in the fucking face. Holding off his thieving little fingers with my right, I use the left hook that I've learned in boxing/martial arts classes. BAM, BAM, BAM. I don't think he was expecting to be punched in the face. By this time the cab has stopped and he's throwing us out (don't blame him).. and the thief takes off... I don't even see the direction in which he runs. I hail another cab and head home. Somewhere Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson are proud.
Befriending Street Toughs dans Le Metro
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
This one's kind of charming. I'm sitting in the metro, off to somewhere or another.. and a group of kids 10 of them, ages 17-20, all hop in the car. They're all punching each other in the arms to see if they can hurt each other. I find this amusing. Most of them are kind of scrawny.
One of them throws a punch and after he hits his friend's arm his hand bounces off and hits me in the chest. It's not a big deal, but I'm living by my personal philosophy of always choose the option that leads to the most interesting result. The guy kind of apologizes with a shrug, but I look at him and motion for him to assume the position (of receiving a punch in the arm).. his friends think this is awesome. He can't say no. So he assumes it.
Now most of the punches these kids are throwing are straight ahead punches, with knuckle, trying to cause as much pain as possible to their friends. I take a different tactic - I throw an uppercut instead to the lower part
of his arm, instead of a straight punch to the shoulder area. Remember we're on a moving metro train. Hitting him at a lower centre of gravity, complimented by a fortunate lurch in the train, the guy loses his balance, and slams into one of the metal poles you use on the train to stand upright. His friends all find this super hilarious - high fives all around. For a moment I'm one of them.. kind of like a lost French-y scene from the Warriors. Then they leave and I carry off on my merry way.
This one's kind of charming. I'm sitting in the metro, off to somewhere or another.. and a group of kids 10 of them, ages 17-20, all hop in the car. They're all punching each other in the arms to see if they can hurt each other. I find this amusing. Most of them are kind of scrawny.
One of them throws a punch and after he hits his friend's arm his hand bounces off and hits me in the chest. It's not a big deal, but I'm living by my personal philosophy of always choose the option that leads to the most interesting result. The guy kind of apologizes with a shrug, but I look at him and motion for him to assume the position (of receiving a punch in the arm).. his friends think this is awesome. He can't say no. So he assumes it.
Now most of the punches these kids are throwing are straight ahead punches, with knuckle, trying to cause as much pain as possible to their friends. I take a different tactic - I throw an uppercut instead to the lower part
of his arm, instead of a straight punch to the shoulder area. Remember we're on a moving metro train. Hitting him at a lower centre of gravity, complimented by a fortunate lurch in the train, the guy loses his balance, and slams into one of the metal poles you use on the train to stand upright. His friends all find this super hilarious - high fives all around. For a moment I'm one of them.. kind of like a lost French-y scene from the Warriors. Then they leave and I carry off on my merry way.
I figured I'd get the violence out of the way first. Future entries in the series will cover art, gastronomy, and debauchery. Also my new profile picture was taken by one of those club photographers and posted on some European party website... ohhh yeah.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
Great stories & cool profile pic eh eh eh.
That's noose to me.