An old work mate text me today to see how my happier New Year was shaping up.
New Years Eve 2003 I promised myself that my life was to change for the better. I would finally shift my extra three stones that have plagued me since I was 16, I would grow my hair, and stop biting my nails, and all the other crap resolutions I had made to myself year after year.
New Years Eve 2004 I had no home, no money, and was living out of a holdall. My home in Norwich was 255 miles away, and I had no money to get home, and I was damned if I was going to take the walk of shame back to my parents house, that would be admitting defeat. I didn't make any promises to myself for this year. I have given up the struggle to lose weight, my hair is definately longer, but then I haven't had the money to go to the hairdressers. I asked myself a lot of questions about why I had left my cosey married life behind. Then I had money, a bed to sleep in, my husband was rarely at home, I entertained myself by having little flings here and there, and to cut out all the sadness I simply dosed myself up on Prozac. Why did I leave all this behind for another man? I still left.
Two months of rough living later, I finally arrive at my destination. A feeling like I have never felt before. Happiness. I haven't felt anything for the last five years thanks to my little blue happy pills. No sadness, no anger, no highs, no lows, and now all my emotions have come flooding back, some more welcome than others. I finally have a home, someone to love me, someone who gives a damn if I'm happy or sad. He even said that he loves my thighs.
I just wanted to share my overall sense of calm, my friend has yet to meet the new Ruth - I just hope that she has the courage to make some important decisions in her own life, because I know that she isn't happy now.
New Years Eve 2003 I promised myself that my life was to change for the better. I would finally shift my extra three stones that have plagued me since I was 16, I would grow my hair, and stop biting my nails, and all the other crap resolutions I had made to myself year after year.
New Years Eve 2004 I had no home, no money, and was living out of a holdall. My home in Norwich was 255 miles away, and I had no money to get home, and I was damned if I was going to take the walk of shame back to my parents house, that would be admitting defeat. I didn't make any promises to myself for this year. I have given up the struggle to lose weight, my hair is definately longer, but then I haven't had the money to go to the hairdressers. I asked myself a lot of questions about why I had left my cosey married life behind. Then I had money, a bed to sleep in, my husband was rarely at home, I entertained myself by having little flings here and there, and to cut out all the sadness I simply dosed myself up on Prozac. Why did I leave all this behind for another man? I still left.
Two months of rough living later, I finally arrive at my destination. A feeling like I have never felt before. Happiness. I haven't felt anything for the last five years thanks to my little blue happy pills. No sadness, no anger, no highs, no lows, and now all my emotions have come flooding back, some more welcome than others. I finally have a home, someone to love me, someone who gives a damn if I'm happy or sad. He even said that he loves my thighs.
I just wanted to share my overall sense of calm, my friend has yet to meet the new Ruth - I just hope that she has the courage to make some important decisions in her own life, because I know that she isn't happy now.
misterclean:
my goodness, dearie, you've had quite the journey, but it sounds like it was worth it...I'm so glad you are happy...and I'm glad you're back here!!
johnnyforeigner:
That's fantastic. Glad you're ok and happy