FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Why do I seem to spend all of my life making other people happy?
This week has been a prime example. I get called up by two of my friends (one happens to be family, which I am ok with) who talk to me about their problems. So I help them sort themselves out. I'm ok with that, but what I am not ok with is people taking me for granted. Everything has to be on their terms. I bend over backwards to make other people happy, but what to I get in return - NOTHING! I think that they have no idea on how fucked up my life really is, or any idea on what emotional turmoil I am going through at present. I'm just good old Ruth, always up for a laugh when the chips are down.
Tonight I managed to persuade my friend after 3 years to go to an indie bar in town, she lasted 2 hours at the most. I have been out with these girls 3 years, and I have always followed them to whatever watering hole they wanted. I've pretended to be happy dancing along to pop music, drinking cocktails, dressing in "normal" clothes. But they don't last more than a few hours doing what I want to do. I think it is only fair after all these years to do what I want to do for a change. One night, one night of music I enjoy, drinking beer and relaxing. I listen to their problems, help them in their hour of need. etc, etc. But still I end up going along with them. Why am I such a fucking push over, are they really my friends?
Now I am drunk, god knows how many 's lighter, and for what?
This post will be changed tomorrow. I need to sleep and get a grip on reality. Therefore, no question of the week and no pleasantries.
Why do I seem to spend all of my life making other people happy?
This week has been a prime example. I get called up by two of my friends (one happens to be family, which I am ok with) who talk to me about their problems. So I help them sort themselves out. I'm ok with that, but what I am not ok with is people taking me for granted. Everything has to be on their terms. I bend over backwards to make other people happy, but what to I get in return - NOTHING! I think that they have no idea on how fucked up my life really is, or any idea on what emotional turmoil I am going through at present. I'm just good old Ruth, always up for a laugh when the chips are down.
Tonight I managed to persuade my friend after 3 years to go to an indie bar in town, she lasted 2 hours at the most. I have been out with these girls 3 years, and I have always followed them to whatever watering hole they wanted. I've pretended to be happy dancing along to pop music, drinking cocktails, dressing in "normal" clothes. But they don't last more than a few hours doing what I want to do. I think it is only fair after all these years to do what I want to do for a change. One night, one night of music I enjoy, drinking beer and relaxing. I listen to their problems, help them in their hour of need. etc, etc. But still I end up going along with them. Why am I such a fucking push over, are they really my friends?
Now I am drunk, god knows how many 's lighter, and for what?
This post will be changed tomorrow. I need to sleep and get a grip on reality. Therefore, no question of the week and no pleasantries.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
That'd be a great Channel Four show. Escape To The Underpass. People give up their safe, surburban lifestyles to go and live the dream, and become a mad derelict. Television GOLD.
Sin xx