I just don't know what to do with myself(and no, I'm not quoting the White Stripes). I can't seem to find any job, and therefore have no monay and I get really depressed. I'm acting all irrationally and it makes me cry. I hate being depressed and being ashamed of it.
It's kind of funny that y'all seem to know more about my depression than a lot of my friends. I have this real aversion of being a burden, so I just act all smilely around them and try not to bother them with my problems.
I think I should go on meds or something, but I don't want to. My mom has been on Prozac for years, but I think her dr. is a hack and I'm not really sure if she should be on them since he never sent her for therapy or anything; just perscribed them.
I know in my heart of hearts, that I'm just as good as anyone else; but it somehow doesn't matter. I don't really know when this statred. It may be from Sept. 11 I think. I know that sounds totally cliche, but I;m not one of those flag waving freaks. It just crushed my hope in people, security and the goodness of life. I watched all those people crash to the ground and I just felt so bad for them. Why did random young office workers and everyone have to die? I was only 10 miles away and I was ok; but for how long really? When is the next shoe going to drop?
It's like I feel that I will never grow old, cause everything is so fucked up. I'm probably just gonna get blown up or hit by a car. It's weird, I know.
Anyway, I've written too much innane commentry for now. JP, thanks for being there for me. You are a prince. I love you. Well, at least that is one happy thing in my life. That does make me happy. Thank you sweetie.
It's kind of funny that y'all seem to know more about my depression than a lot of my friends. I have this real aversion of being a burden, so I just act all smilely around them and try not to bother them with my problems.
I think I should go on meds or something, but I don't want to. My mom has been on Prozac for years, but I think her dr. is a hack and I'm not really sure if she should be on them since he never sent her for therapy or anything; just perscribed them.
I know in my heart of hearts, that I'm just as good as anyone else; but it somehow doesn't matter. I don't really know when this statred. It may be from Sept. 11 I think. I know that sounds totally cliche, but I;m not one of those flag waving freaks. It just crushed my hope in people, security and the goodness of life. I watched all those people crash to the ground and I just felt so bad for them. Why did random young office workers and everyone have to die? I was only 10 miles away and I was ok; but for how long really? When is the next shoe going to drop?
It's like I feel that I will never grow old, cause everything is so fucked up. I'm probably just gonna get blown up or hit by a car. It's weird, I know.
Anyway, I've written too much innane commentry for now. JP, thanks for being there for me. You are a prince. I love you. Well, at least that is one happy thing in my life. That does make me happy. Thank you sweetie.
Sometimes, I just want to wallow in my depression. Play sad music, sit in the dark, don't answer the phone, don't leave the apartment, etc. Usually after a few days of this, I want to pick myself up and go do stuff with friends or whatever. My ex-girlfriends always hated these drastic mood swings. But fuck medication, I believe these emotions are not just something you can take care of with a 'happy pill'. But then again, this is just me, I know there are extreme cases which do require attention.
Ok, now I'm rambling. I seem to do all my talking in other people's journals...oh well....
Do something that makes you happy, and have a good day!