lefthandright

The loneliness bug has hit. At 31 I have spent many years of those in relationships...all of them were wonderful, and have I been graced to be blessed with such strong and beautiful women, even though in the end they did not last. Three times I have fallen in love..three times I have had the tears of separation. In recent times I have turned my back on relationships...there has been a comfort in only having to think about myself. As selfish as what it sounds, I have enjoyed having all my time to myself...the freedom to go where I choose, talk to whom I choose, fuck Whom I choose...but a day comes that the pussy doesn't glimmer like it used...that it is not actually your focus. It suddenly becomes about all the in between moments..the moments of silence when you could be laughing. When your bed just feels so fucking empty..when you wake you feel like your the only one in the world. I miss how I have always woken earlier than them and brought them coffee in the morning... I miss how on the day before my pay day any money i have left in account I dedicated to getting or making something for them. I miss taking them to the wild life park to show them my favourite otter...I miss them in photo's when I am the only one in the frame. I miss them when i find a ruling music track, and feel so clever that I found it underneath all the shit on the net and don't have anyone to play it to and say "Look what I found." I miss them after work when I check my cell phone and see no one has texted. I miss them when the air smells neutral and not of a specific perfume. I miss them when I collect my washing and find that a few additional bra and knickers haven't been jammed in on top of my gear. I miss them when my shaver is still in the place I left it, and not slyly used and put back how I left it, but just slightly off angle. I miss them at the video store when there is no debate what to get. I miss how they can never have enough shoes. I miss how they make me wake early and go to bed late. I miss how they cover their face with embarrassment when they snort when they laugh. I miss how they give me shit about the lint in my belly button. I miss the smell they leave upon the pillows. I miss how they collected old cicada husks. I miss telling them they are beautiful. I miss telling them they are stunning. I miss rubbing their feet when they have their period. I miss how they love the look of the beard, just not the feel of it. I miss letting them win in the wrestling match. I miss when they actually did win in the wrestling match. I miss how they love where the wild things are. I miss how surprised they are at the speed I can find wally. I miss how they make my reach want to extend beyond its grasp. I miss how I fall in love with how they make me feel, before I actually know that I am in love with them.