lefthandright

It seems the tide has turned. I knew it always would, but in the beginning I was not sure how long it would take. Some people in life suffer from bouts of depression or mania,..anxiety and other such dispositions that can at times take away from the majesty of life. I myself sometimes suffer extreme lack of sexual interest. In my teen years it was easy to over come..young men just always have hard-ons..problem solved. As I grew and I had done a fair amount of sexual exploration I found that at times when my libido was low that it would sometimes stay that way for a week or two, but it would always pass and that this stage it didn't ever stop or inhibit my sex life..it just meant at certain times I needed to keep a greater level of concentration and be aware of it. However now that I am in my thirties I have well and truly sowed my wild seeds. The notion of sex for sex sake just doesn't appeal to me as it once used to. It seems the pussy has lost it's luster over the years and now I search for things in partners that go beyond just the physical.
I knew 6 months ago that my libido had plummeted. I knew this time it would not probably be back in a week or two as per usual. For the first few weeks it was kinda daunting realising that I haven't thought about sex in any way,..tried to have sex, or even just jerk off. There was no sexual desire at all. Then it actually became quite liberating. To be free of the bonds of sexuality allowed me to spend more time focusing on other areas of my life..it also changed my interactions with females obviously as well. My usually flirtatious and controlled suggestive ways became very matter of fact. My powers of persuasion and charm (I am after all a libran male, these are the qualities I do best.) Became far more diplomatic and in a sense shy. The idea of sex just did not enthuse me...in fact I seeked to avoid it.
In the last 8 or so days this has changed. I am at the moment a lot more aware of dreams. They all have the same reoccurring theme. They are not sexually explicit, but have a strong sexual suggestion and are quite 'busy' to say the least. This leads me to my now current situation. I have had my desire return to me, but there is no one in my life that I feel I want to express this with. I naturally see people who for reasons best known only to themselves catch my attention, but not so much that I want to persue it.
I know about myself that sex jus' cus I can does not give me any sensation of fulfillment anymore..in fact it actually just makes me feel uncomfortable afterwards. This lets me know that I desire something far more tangible. I also know this tangible agent is not something one can just go out and find in a day on demand. This leads to the problem....quenching what is a desire instantly vs suppressing what it is I desire for a time when the 'right person' is now known to me..which,lets face it...could be days,weeks or years away. This introspective look at it has lead me to discover....I think I am ready to settle down....notice how I said think...not know...