leanan_sidhe

Lord knows the pain I endured; truth be known, I whole heartedly loved him. As if the selfish lies and deceit were not enough to endure, it is the eternal denial and/or lack of aknowledgement of what he did have that continues to haunt me. I have grown used to the fact that my fairytale was nothing but a nightmare from the start. Now I have one shot to attempt to prove this, in a very short time, to a panel of strangers that will never lose sleep over any of this. On one hand I am still so fucking naive that I almost feel bad, and want to hold back on revealing what a monster he was and still is to us; but on the other hand I am mad as hell and want what my kids deserve out of this creep that just won't voluntarily give to them only to spite me more. Maybe I am fucking crazy. Too many times, against my better judgement, I spoke in his defense, and for this now he walks away laughing at how weak I allowed myself to become. Why on earth should I care any for someone who has displayed a complete incapability of even knowing what care or love is? Out of everyone who has witnessed this monstrosity, I am feeling completely alone on this path to justice. Maybe I don't even want anything anymore. Truely, it is not a demanded oder that I desire, but a voluntary giving from this selfish beast I created life with. The fact that he know treats his new lady the same as he did me is only more heartbreaking to me somehow. Though I should loathe the new girl that coddles his lies and gives him added strength to continue his humiliation war upon me, I pity this poor girl for enduring what I know too well, and doesn't even knowing it yet herself. One day everyone will see the truth; until then it his path of destruction that haunts me day and night.

~Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.~

The good news is there are only 3 more sleeps til the first day of school. My girls are so excited, and so am I for them. Somehow I pulled off getting all their supplies. Even enough food for the next 2 weeks at least! I gave my baby a home job of a haircut; but I have to say I did not too bad, and she loves it. Thanks to neighbours and friends they both have a bunch of new clothes; new to them anyways. I am thankful that they are not vain girls, and are more than content with all that they have. How can my heart still lay in disarray when I am truely so blessed?