lavinia

I guess I have never realized how much the people who surround me effect my personality and my emotional state.

Since the new roommate has started living in the apartment I have not been the same. He is dark, moody, negative and reclusive. It has been rubbing off on me and I don't like it at all.

My old roommate (the one that moved out as of feb 1st) was a wonderful guy who's name is Atila.

Atila is smart, witty, creative, communicative and fun. He and I would have a good time talking for hours. If there was a problem he would talk to me about it first. Atila has seen me at my worst and I have seen him at his worst. We could cry on each other shoulders and we would re-assure each other that everything (no matter what happens) would be alright. Atila is a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. I totally miss him.

I feel like Jay hates me or he hates himself and projects that on to me. This makes me feel insecure and then I start to do things to make me feel secure. These actions include: latching on to people and being needy. I'll ignore a person's personal space (bubble) because I need physical attention to affirm my self worth. Which is the wrong reason to do it. Why? Because, when I don't get it I get up-set and go in to that dark place and all hell breaks loose.

I admit I like attention (we all do) but needing attention to cover a hole caused by insecurity doesn't cure anything. It just makes things worse.

So I'm giving notice, cutting my losses and moving on.

C'est la vie.