Hi fellows Suiciders! How is this holiday season going?
Here I am on this last day of the year trying to put together a blog post that can update you on things that happened in the last two months and - at the same time - celebrate all I went through in this 2019.
Maybe I'm asking too much to my ability to sum things up, but I'm pretty sure you all are hurrying around to get things ready for tonight and I don't want to steal you too many precious minutes.
But sometimes I find a guilty pleasure in indulging in doing something unrelated to the reason of the hurrying, perfectly conscious that I should be doing something else and it's getting late... don't you?
I've worked quite hard, this year.
For the first time since I moved in the new adv agency (more than two years ago) I've started following big projects as the main representative for our clients, which are not-so-small corporations, gaining full trust from both my boss and my direct superior, which is something that makes me proud and worried at the same time, since I take trust very seriously. Plus, at work I experiment a really laid back, almost "familiar" environment, when people are not just "coworkers" but they tend to to also that kind of things that friends do: kind of a double-edged sword as it's difficult to not take everything personally.
Contrary to what I was expecting to be, as years sums up and the first white hair show up on my head, lately I've been incredibly busy with modeling and performing gigs. This has meant spending the weekends on the road, traveling and working, staying away from family and friends - and then being back at my desk on monday morning! I'm not 20 anymore and it's starting to be a lil' more tiring then before, but I still find joy in what I do (most of the time 😝)... I just need to avid booze while working in clubs as a dancer, if I don't want to lose the following day staying in bed!
Working this hard has also meant that I can finally afford my very first *new* car! I'm very happy, even if I still think that money spent on cars is the worst: I'm currently driving a 10 years old car I received already used, which has covered more than 300.000 km and since I drive two hours every day to come and go from work, it's not that safe anymore.
This will be my new baby, running on natural gas as I like to keep it as green as possible:
Cute, isn't it?
However, there's another thing I've worked on quite hard these last months and this whole year.
You know, dancing ♥
On November 16th I took part for the second time in my life at the Exotic Pole Dance Contest: one year after my very first pole dance competition back in 2018, one year where I invested time, money and lots of energies into practicing with different teachers, struggling to both perfection my moves and finding my very own style - something I'm still very far from, I must admit.
I got on stage with a choreography made all by myself, choosing the music and drawing the costume, showcasing tricks and figures I loved the most: this time I was ready to rock, finally I wasn't scared anymore of that stage and I wanted so bad to perform.
But life always has something new and greater to teach us - this time was: lace you boots better 😑
How likely is it that by finishing the last combo on the pole, during the last twenty seconds of choreography, the laces of the ankle boots will tangle together, leaving you hanging upside down, to improvise a graceless descent? Being a performer means learning to deal with this too!
Three and a half minutes (time of an average competition act) fly away and what you see on stage does not always do justice to the hours spent trying and trying again, to the sweating, to the sleepless nights, to the alarm clocks at dawn.
Some of the judges gave me cool marks, few of them got me penalized because of the ending as I basically fell from the pole in a way I couldn't hide, instead of doing a split.
At the end of the day, I wasn't satisfied of my 6 out of 10 ranking as I was seriously aiming for the podium and I felt I was just there before that shit happened LOL
Still, I'm proud of the show I set up and the way I performed. Lots of people congratulated to me after the competition and dissatisfaction has left its place to the will of doing better next time.
I don't have the video yet and all I can show you are some pics of me making love to the stage
I'm still unsure about the competitions I'll be taking part next year, I don't think I'll have any in the first months of 2020, which means I'll be able to get back to regular training taking my time.
After November, December arrived and I started to feel a lil' excited. You know, I need to let this comin' out, I love Christmas time! 🎅🏻
I know, it's difficult to still feel the Christmas spirit as much as I used to do as a child, but I always try my best to enjoy little things in this time of the year - even if I have to force myself a bit, especially if I'm having bad days at work: spending more time with my family, putting a lil' more care into decorating home, cooking something extra for someone who cannot do it themself. At the end of the day, I've like it and I'm happy!
What I don't like is rushing into malls, feeling the pressure for finding the news perfect gift nobody will really care about, wasting money and wasting time, getting angry and frustrated while stuck in traffic.
I didn't buy nor asked for pretty much no presents at all this Christmas, as I preferred devolving some good money to the local animal shelter and to the scientific research.
I do hope you have had a beautiful Christmas as well, surrounded by the people you care for, eating good food and drinking good wine.
Oh and in SuicideGirls news, I've an upcoming set shot by the incredible @ayah I really can't wait to show you!
Time to go back to the kitchen (= popping another bottle of bubbles), preparations for tonight are in full effect!
Stay safe and warm out there, I love you all!
xoxo
Lauretta
