Theres a quote on the SG DVD of the first tour, 'One day you will be nostalgic for now.' Boy that quote has never rang truer for me lately, I am completely stuck in the past, daydreaming of happier times that have passed and friends who are now enemies - not to mention the ill health and the weight gain. Sometimes I wish has pictures of a 19 year old LauraLily to show everyone just so people could actually see what I've lost in the last 4 years.
So whats brought all this on then? Well its quite simply a mixture of things which are all building up to make one big wanky siatuation in life.
Sometimes it feels as though every single friendship I have is one sided. This makes me feel like the bad guy a lot of the time even though its usually me being the supportive friend in whatever circumstances they come to me in. Take note of the following examples:
Best friend number one: She has been my very best friend since we were 4 years old. In one month time she is getting married and ordinarily I would not be able to feel happier for her, but when I ran into her in the street the other day, she informed she had found messages on his phone from his son's mother. Obviously not the innocent type either - this is NOT the first time its happend and clearly not the last as she lets him get away with murder. I tell her she is insane if she lets him get away with this so close to their wedding but all she could say was that when things are good between them, they're really good but she practically admitted she knows he'll never change. So I filled her in on my 2 cents which obviously she understands completely but is going to marry him anyway so I guess I shall just have to bite my tongue for now and ponder whether yelling 'I object!!' at the right given moment is a good idea.
Best friend number two: Best friend number two was my best friend throughout university, she's the only one I plan on staying in touch with but lately she has been really getting me down. We're both unemployed with a bollock load of debt between us, the only major difference is she moved straight from uni to Essex to live with her boyfriend. Now neither of us are having much luck on the job front at the moment even though she was offered the very first job she was ever interviewed for she turned it down because the money was poor (well not that poor but it was by her standards) Now everytime we speak its all about her lack of job and any piece of advice I give her is thrown back at me with some pessimistic remark or another. When I may have secured an interview the other day all she could say was 'how are you gonna afford it' (its for a part-time job) well obviously the answer is by having 2 part time jobs instead of one full time, followed by numerous other remarks at how I will struggle because I don't live in London - even though I am planning to move there as soon as I have a job offer. I've always been really supportive of her and encourage her to the max but whenever I get some remotely good news she always sticks loads of obstacles in my way. Now I love this girl to bits but her pessimism is really knocking my confidence right now, I feel bad enough as it is
Best friend number three: Is my ex boyfriend, not cider boy, the guy who came before him. we've always had a somewhat volatile relationship as we're not affraid to air our difference at each other, but he is one of the best friends i have. Again, its all about his lack of support. He's been having a lot of troubles lately and every night I let him bend my ear about whatever is on his mind and try to help him out as best I can. I'm not having such a great go of it myself lately and would like it if I had someone to vent to, but the usual response I get from his something along the lines of 'put up or shut up' or 'get off your arse and do something about it' - really sound advice y'know? Then the conversation moves swiftly back to him.
Rant over, sorry thats so depressing but I really needed to get that off my chest!
In other news. I'm thinking of getting back with my ex (cider boy), I still have no job but have made some new leads so fingers crossed.
Now in the spirit of internet friends generally being better listeners than real friends, go bring some joy to Rory13 her set just went up in member review, it was shot by tmronin and is frickin awesome, so go help her become pink!
Adios for now good people, if you've made it htis far, thank you very much
So whats brought all this on then? Well its quite simply a mixture of things which are all building up to make one big wanky siatuation in life.
Sometimes it feels as though every single friendship I have is one sided. This makes me feel like the bad guy a lot of the time even though its usually me being the supportive friend in whatever circumstances they come to me in. Take note of the following examples:
Best friend number one: She has been my very best friend since we were 4 years old. In one month time she is getting married and ordinarily I would not be able to feel happier for her, but when I ran into her in the street the other day, she informed she had found messages on his phone from his son's mother. Obviously not the innocent type either - this is NOT the first time its happend and clearly not the last as she lets him get away with murder. I tell her she is insane if she lets him get away with this so close to their wedding but all she could say was that when things are good between them, they're really good but she practically admitted she knows he'll never change. So I filled her in on my 2 cents which obviously she understands completely but is going to marry him anyway so I guess I shall just have to bite my tongue for now and ponder whether yelling 'I object!!' at the right given moment is a good idea.
Best friend number two: Best friend number two was my best friend throughout university, she's the only one I plan on staying in touch with but lately she has been really getting me down. We're both unemployed with a bollock load of debt between us, the only major difference is she moved straight from uni to Essex to live with her boyfriend. Now neither of us are having much luck on the job front at the moment even though she was offered the very first job she was ever interviewed for she turned it down because the money was poor (well not that poor but it was by her standards) Now everytime we speak its all about her lack of job and any piece of advice I give her is thrown back at me with some pessimistic remark or another. When I may have secured an interview the other day all she could say was 'how are you gonna afford it' (its for a part-time job) well obviously the answer is by having 2 part time jobs instead of one full time, followed by numerous other remarks at how I will struggle because I don't live in London - even though I am planning to move there as soon as I have a job offer. I've always been really supportive of her and encourage her to the max but whenever I get some remotely good news she always sticks loads of obstacles in my way. Now I love this girl to bits but her pessimism is really knocking my confidence right now, I feel bad enough as it is
Best friend number three: Is my ex boyfriend, not cider boy, the guy who came before him. we've always had a somewhat volatile relationship as we're not affraid to air our difference at each other, but he is one of the best friends i have. Again, its all about his lack of support. He's been having a lot of troubles lately and every night I let him bend my ear about whatever is on his mind and try to help him out as best I can. I'm not having such a great go of it myself lately and would like it if I had someone to vent to, but the usual response I get from his something along the lines of 'put up or shut up' or 'get off your arse and do something about it' - really sound advice y'know? Then the conversation moves swiftly back to him.
Rant over, sorry thats so depressing but I really needed to get that off my chest!
In other news. I'm thinking of getting back with my ex (cider boy), I still have no job but have made some new leads so fingers crossed.
Now in the spirit of internet friends generally being better listeners than real friends, go bring some joy to Rory13 her set just went up in member review, it was shot by tmronin and is frickin awesome, so go help her become pink!
Adios for now good people, if you've made it htis far, thank you very much
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
We are all in a constant state of rebirth. remember that, sweetie.
much love, Lily