2 in one day...wow.
Okay, so I'm back to seeing a shrink. I live in a distant suburb of the middle-of-nowhere so my options are limited. Anyway, this lady I'm seeing is this really sweet hippy who is all into dreams and hypnotherapy. Now, I've been able to lucid dream since I was 10 or so so I don't put much stock in them, but she seems convinced. (Side note--I'm not sure it's really lucid dreaming...I can just kind of nudge my dreams in the direction I want them to go once they're happening.) So I've seen her 3 times and there's something calming about it, but I have no idea why I'm there. I live with what's been called "rapid cycling bi-polar disorder" which essentially means I have depression that manifests itself as mania more often than not. (I think.) Anyway, that isn't a huge deal, but it's been harder to be centered recently (i.e. can't get there) and it was starting to freak me out.
(Backstory--I'm a pretty fucked up kid. Tons of autoimmune things and a stubborn streak 19 miles wide and 4 miles deep. These thing have knocked me down pretty hard 4 or 5 times, but I think I'm pulled together about as well as I've been. The thing is I'm looking for jobs after this year and want to make sure that I'm heading towards and not running from. That worries me.)
Anyway, so I went to her with this dream and she starts analyzing it. Here was the convo (thoughts in parentheses)
LE--So I had this dream where I was introducing my g/f and everone who met her looked at me like I was the biggest scumbag. After a while someone explained to me that she was 9, but she was DEFINITELY 20. However, people who saw her saw her as 9 so I made myself see what they saw and to them she was 9, but inreality she was in her 20s. Then I got weirded out so I grabbed my dog and got the fuck out of there.
Dr.--Well when we dream we tend to think....
LE--(I should have just had my tarot done or thrown the coins. This is insane. She really believes this crap)
Dr.--And the people we meet in our dreams are often reflections of ourselves.
LE--(At least she realizes this wasn't about me LIKING her being 9)
Dr.--So the little girl is probably you and there's probably a reason she's 9 and can't be seen as adult. Since she's feminine, I'd have to say that there's a part of you that has not been able to develop since you were about that age.
LE--(what the FUCK!) Yeah... --tears--
So how weird is that? I have a funny feeling that this is going to be pretty painful, but it'd be nice to iron out my emotional wrinkles before I become that crazy guy who lives on the hill playing Against All Authority and Regina Spektor CDs.
Anyway, that's what's going on.
Cheers,
LE
LE fact--I wear mala beads but am not Buddhist. I used them to center myself during the day and to meditate.
Okay, so I'm back to seeing a shrink. I live in a distant suburb of the middle-of-nowhere so my options are limited. Anyway, this lady I'm seeing is this really sweet hippy who is all into dreams and hypnotherapy. Now, I've been able to lucid dream since I was 10 or so so I don't put much stock in them, but she seems convinced. (Side note--I'm not sure it's really lucid dreaming...I can just kind of nudge my dreams in the direction I want them to go once they're happening.) So I've seen her 3 times and there's something calming about it, but I have no idea why I'm there. I live with what's been called "rapid cycling bi-polar disorder" which essentially means I have depression that manifests itself as mania more often than not. (I think.) Anyway, that isn't a huge deal, but it's been harder to be centered recently (i.e. can't get there) and it was starting to freak me out.
(Backstory--I'm a pretty fucked up kid. Tons of autoimmune things and a stubborn streak 19 miles wide and 4 miles deep. These thing have knocked me down pretty hard 4 or 5 times, but I think I'm pulled together about as well as I've been. The thing is I'm looking for jobs after this year and want to make sure that I'm heading towards and not running from. That worries me.)
Anyway, so I went to her with this dream and she starts analyzing it. Here was the convo (thoughts in parentheses)
LE--So I had this dream where I was introducing my g/f and everone who met her looked at me like I was the biggest scumbag. After a while someone explained to me that she was 9, but she was DEFINITELY 20. However, people who saw her saw her as 9 so I made myself see what they saw and to them she was 9, but inreality she was in her 20s. Then I got weirded out so I grabbed my dog and got the fuck out of there.
Dr.--Well when we dream we tend to think....
LE--(I should have just had my tarot done or thrown the coins. This is insane. She really believes this crap)
Dr.--And the people we meet in our dreams are often reflections of ourselves.
LE--(At least she realizes this wasn't about me LIKING her being 9)
Dr.--So the little girl is probably you and there's probably a reason she's 9 and can't be seen as adult. Since she's feminine, I'd have to say that there's a part of you that has not been able to develop since you were about that age.
LE--(what the FUCK!) Yeah... --tears--
So how weird is that? I have a funny feeling that this is going to be pretty painful, but it'd be nice to iron out my emotional wrinkles before I become that crazy guy who lives on the hill playing Against All Authority and Regina Spektor CDs.
Anyway, that's what's going on.
Cheers,
LE
LE fact--I wear mala beads but am not Buddhist. I used them to center myself during the day and to meditate.
killedwithkarate:
There are at least two reasons I love this post (and you.) 1. Necessary lies and 2. a Regina Spektor CD. Way to make me smile AFTER showing me your plans for a very 70s move in. Gah. Gah and raar.