languid

it seems week after week i am frustrated with the current state of affairs in my employment. i am increasingly more anti social and just want to go to work, not be troubled by the nonesense that others bring or our interaction create. albeit i am not the nice one so when pissed off or antagonized i bring a great deal of animosity to the table... i don't play well with others. when someone pisses me off they are sooo surprised when i come at them hard.

it takes two to create a problem. which brings me back to my anti social intent in the work place. sooo i leave the work site, go to acquire materials for a cetain fix it debacle i am embroiled in and work calls to send me to another debacle, somewhere else...

so by the time i get thru traffic, waddle thru the morass of shite, finish, i am ready for beer. off to bevmo.

dude... on the way back to my apartment, before the bevmo adventure i ran into an ex, the only ex i have co habitated with, the one i escaped from to move into my tenderloin apartment. together for years, off/on, intense. it was nice to see her. we're friends now i think. she was with somone we knew back then, three and a half years ago. that person was the same old wacko, boring person but one of the most AWESOME PAINTERS EVAR!!! in my most unhumble opinion. so anyways, she just got married, said we should get together, i said call me. left it at that....

off to bevmo. dude, bevmo has brainwash!!! it'll make your shite blue, marbled. fucking weird. it's like red bull used to be.... wacky tasting and a harsh rush into the mosh pit for the unprepared. it's a soda i know but the stuff should not be consumed by little childrens.



blue is better than red.

so a twelve pack of steinlager, a four pack of boddingtons for someone special and out the door of bevmo i go. costs me 20.20. i think of the appropriateness of it all.

into the ice water when i get back to the tenderloin the beer goes. i pop one, fill my lunch cooler, park my ass on the stoop, call my neighbor. where one comes, others follow... soon we have an interactive schtoop party happening with all kinds of flavor walking by and talking trash. good times. soon enough, we're three into the moment after a couple of quick slams of beer. the bottle shrank. the used to be 12oz. the fuckers took it down to 11.5oz. what the fuck is that? scurvy fucking corporate bitches skimming the top off my beer. damn it. goes to show ya i should have been drinking more steinies so i would have been soo surprised by the sellout, shite head move. hmmm... it was still good and did the trick. six later, i was better from my issues with work and the phone rings, it is the ex. m'k, meet me for a drink. i'm all buzzed and say ok... now you're going hmmmm... what about new husband. she says, "he's on a date. we're poly." i'm all, "whatever , you were always poly just not with me." so she's all meet me in the castro where i now live. she lived in oakland for years because she was afraid of the city's vibe. now she diggin' it. ACTUALLY said, "i was right." i'm all half way, the zeitgeist. she agrees.

ooohh my foot just fell asleep.

it did that yesterday.

so we hang out and re iterate why two tops cannot have an effective longterm relationship. i'm just not wired to submit. it doesn't enter my equation on the natch. i just don't have that self perception to figure it into my role in sexual intimacies. she got it and it just fucked with her own sexual identity to have to deal with my place of power in the equation. she said, "i stole her power." i didn't really steal it, i just didn't see it. she never had the chi in her flow to make me step back while i just just rolled on. i saw her power as a role she chose to play and not an existence that was every moment. i just, still don't acknowledge, it didn't jive with my power to acknowledge hers when i ended up being her backbone for life's instances. i know ass kicking women and am attracted to them but she is not the top of the pyramid for powerful spirits. so basically whatever. we exploded apart. it was meant to be. so we had a beer, hung out and then i walked her back to her place, the dude's date was finished early and we went up stairs to pee. he's cool and i think they are meant to be. much better than she and i. he is not as aggrerssive as we are but he jumped in when he had something to say even when she and i were vying to get in more words than each other. she process very fast when we find a groove to babble about. it was cool. he bought me a drink downstairs at mix, i bought him a drink./ she got drunk at zeitgeist so she didn't drink. she's a cheap date. one screwdriver pint and she's fine for hours.

so when it was that i had been up for 21 hours and worked, drank and walked it was time to float for i was growing more silent and they who had the nerve toget up at 2pm were still fresh. i'm all see ya. all and all a goodnight. then the fone rang before seven and ti was work, i was sleeping, a little hung and embarked upon a futile coversation about stuff that i had notated about in march but executives and failed to note what they bitch so much about what they need... ...

so i slept again. the day is good. i have not left and been on the box all day fucking around ehre and there...

aloha,
j