lancelac

Well, as some of you know from reading my journals, I've been having a tough time the past few weeks. My friends have been supportive, but I've been keeping most of my crap to myself (due to my bitter, untrustworthy nature). While I don't really like to whine and attract attention (usually exactly the opposite), maybe talking a little about what's going on will have a theraputic effect. And since I've just had 4 shots of rum and 6 Mojitos in the last 3 hours, now is as good a time as any...

Lately, a lot of things have happened that really have shaken me to the core, but one thing in particular has really hurt me way more than I thought was possible. The bottom line is that the person who knows me far better than anyone in the world has decided to reject and disown me. Many things she said were specifically designed to hurt me. This came as a complete surprise to me, no previous fights, no warning, nothing. In my (probably deluded) view, I've never done or said a single thing against this person. In 5 years, I never lied to her, never made her feel guilty about anything she's decided to do, whether I agreed with it or not.

Shit like this makes it hard for me to care about anyone. People are just too full of crap and full of themselves to live with integrity, and unfortunately for me I can't live any other way, even though it's a fruitless endeavor. But, I guess that is each of our own individual morality. Morality isn't about right and wrong, good and evil, but rather personal choices that are already predetermined based on mental disposition. I've already realized that there will never be a "community" of any kind that believes as I do, but one or two would do...

Enough bile. Tomorrow, only bright and sunny thoughts.