lamentedm

She has been on my mind since the day I held her hand and pushed the double doors open. I should of known we would have been safer inside. Instead I dragged her into the cold and pretended I was hers. Never once did it cross my mind till they started talking that I thought she was mine. Im such a fucking idiot. I told her she would forget about me within two days. That I would just be another guy that stood in line to become another guy. Maybe Im being too hard on my self. It hasnt been a week. But I cant help but feel this pain in my heart every time I see her photos or hear her voice. Ive never felt this way about anyone. Im sure you thinking, dont we all say that when we feel it again? Well, no. Not this time. Ive never met anyone that said all the right things or said what I was thinking then and there. She made a joke about getting married. We both laughed. But we also nodded. I said I would. And by the end of the night, right before she left... Right when the car was done warming up. Right when her name was being called to get the fuck in. Right when those that were pretending they werent looking at us looking at each other. Right when my heart stood still and said, do it you fucking moron. What if you never see her again! Right then when I drowned in her eyes for the last time. Right then and there I realized I wasnt joking about wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. I never kissed her. I should have. Instead I leaned in and whispered in her ear while embracing, Dont go. You cant leave. I wont let you. Stay with me. Let me take you home. I should of let those words pass through me with a kiss. But something inside me told me that maybe the kiss would have been interpreted wrong. Those eyes looking over our every move would of taken it as a movement of desire and lust. I know. Forget them right? No. I tried. But they were there the whole time. They were there after she was gone. And they were there accusing me of things that could of been done but never did cause... well... She is a lady. And a lady should be treated as such. God damn it! Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to run across this beautiful woman? What did I do to deserve the few moments we had and then to have it taken away so quickly? Who did I wrong? And how do I do it again just to see her? If I could only sing to her one more time.


What means to you, what means to me, and we will meet again, Im watching you, Im watching her, Ill take no pity from your friends, who is right, who can tell, and who gives a damn right now, Until the spirit, new sensation takes hold, then you know. ~I. Curtis