Well now, this was a myspace blog entry from May 29, 2005, which has turned out to be a rather significant one; it served as catalyst for meeting one of my now very closest friends, someone with whom I just attended Burning Man for my very first time... the first of many times to come.
I think I'll even include the comments, which are funny and poignant. Ah, memories...
Entry dated 05.29.05 - Title: FULL MOON FEVER
Odd how life is cyclical. I've always been effected by the moon. I can tell days before it is at its fullest that's it's a'comin'. I feel it ~ my senses are heightened and sometimes my thoughts get scrambled and my thinking thick.
Notice next time how all the crazies on the street get crazier and more aggressive around the full moon.
My mother used to be a nurse who worked in what she termed "the loony bin" of a retirement home - the "mez" (aka the mezzanine of the building) where they stashed all the patients with dementia and other assorted psychotic ailments. She would always know a week out that the full moon was on its way, even without looking at a calendar, because "the natives [were] getting restless."
Appropriately enough, my never-politically-correct mother has now become one of these loonies herself. She hasn't left the house in 2 years, except for the occasional Dr's appointment, and then it takes hours to coax her out of the house. She's afraid of everyone and everything. *sigh* Must be why I'm so the opposite, always seeking out and throwing myself into the next adventure with full abandon. Life's too short.
She & my father live in Florida - "God's Waiting Room" as my friend, who used to live in Florida (and who calls me Leggy McLegsalot), has dubbed it. It's so true - a nice way to encapsulate the state of Florida (even though I don't believe in any god). My parents are both 77 and seem to just be biding their time, waiting to die. At least my father, a professional bass player since the age of 18, still plays with his little jazz combo and is trying to make the best of things.
This last full moon really made me loony. I did not sprout fur, claws or gnarly fangs, but it was quite intense nonetheless. Granted, there were extenuating circumstances which have now worked themselves out, thank jebus. I'm just glad it's over. Life is back to normal... as normal as my life can ever be.
I celebrated a milestone anniversary of friendship with my ex recently. So nice to still be able to be friends after trudging through the muck-filled trenches of shite that we did. The long celebration ended with a positive omen - "The New Zoo Revue" came on TV, a terrible old kids show which we happened to watch the morning after the night we met, many moons ago; a night that started "the longest one-night stand" either of us has ever had. It was the first time we saw it since that day. Omen. Good. Happy. Love.
Comment from Michael, dated June 1, 2005:
"you don't know me but i've been reading your entries. creepy, huh? I've had things like that happen. the ex becomes a close friend; then one day closer still, then closer, then the next thing you know you're back together and all the reasons you broke up come like one of those homeless people you spoke about. you can hear them up the street shouting, getting louder as they stagger down the street yelling at the flier covered telephone poles. occassionally stopping to yell at a person. mesmorized you watch unable to tear your eyes away when suddenly realize he's right there. the rancid air surrounds you and he's yelling... anyway you get the picture. hey, after that little paragraph i'm sure you're just dying to be friends with me!"
My response (06.01.05):
"I don't know how long you've been stalking me... ummm... er, I mean reading my entries, but I am not your average ex. Read a column I wrote about my... uh... um... way of life:
http://www.sexwrecks.com/2005/03/poly_wanna_hare.html
But yes, after reading that paragraph, I am dying to be friends with you! You're hilarious!"
Michael's response (06.01.05):
"STALKING?! I'll have you know I don't stalk... I lurk. There's a difference you know. Anyway I have read one of your columns and... oh wait, no I haven't... oh crap. I liked the column by the way. However, me being the hopeless romantic I have one question. Does love ever come into the equation? I've been in polyamorous relationships before and it seems that someone always gets hurt. No matter how open and honest (within limits of course) the relationship seems to be. I was truly, madly, deeply in love once and I couldn't stand the thought of her being with another man. If I did think about it I found myself laying awake all night chewing my fingernails off and wondering what the hell I was going to do without any fingernails and how come I wasn't enough. But I was young. At some point in those poly relationships I was in, someone always wanted more. Maybe I'm just an immortal, cosmo-reading*, sex god and they became addicted to multi-orgasms as though I were some biological meth. Yep, that's gotta be it! Now I wonder if it would be possible to have an isosoles love-triangle?"
(*Note: To this Cosmo-reading reference, I left him a comment: "Helen Gurley Brown is Satan.")
My response (06.02.05):
"Ooops - SORRRRRY - I do know the difference between stalking and lurking, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it: "How long have you been lurking me?" In fact, I don't even think it's grammatically correct. That aside, yes, love does very much come into play. I am currently living in more of a pentacle - at least on my side of the equation - and I'm in the center. It's all very complicated, compartmentalized and fluid... and time-consuming. I very much love the guy I'm living with and, to differing degrees, love/like-very-much everyone else I'm involved with, depending on how long I've known them. My ex feels more like a brother to me now - if we were from Alabama!!! That anniversary I spoke of was our 20th - which will give you an idea of how old I am - and we don't plan to get back together anytime in the foreseeable future because we KNOW we drive each other insane. We like our current brand of unconventional sanity better. What you said about wondering why you weren't enough - I don't feel like that. I spent such a long time with one person that I know one person can't be everything to me and I don't expect that I can be everything to one person.**
It's like a puzzle where all the pieces fit together in some odd, jigsaw way - when combined together, they make a complete picture. Plus, I'd rather be in a conglomerate of relationships where it's an open, accepted fact that everyone is seeing other people. I don't want to know too many details; I just want to know that I'm not being lied to or that someone isn't trying to put one over on me.***
My live-in love is a brothah from anothah planet and has lived most of his adult life this way. As for someone wanting more, only time will tell. And... I feel a sixth side coming on as well - what is that called - a sextacle? Damn - geometry was a long time ago - and I remember thinking "How in the hell am I ever going to use this in my daily life?" Little did I know..."
(**Note: RE: the statement of "one person can't be everything to me and I don't expect that I can be everything to one person" - of this I am no longer so cut-and-dry, so definitively sure. I've come to a point in my life where one of my main goals is to keep an open mind.)
(***Note: In reference to my poly-lifestyle, I have since disbanded my harem. As time went on, it became more and more fake-feeling, like I was doing it just on principle, as opposed to any genuine emotion or enjoyment - and hell yeah, it took up a hella lot of time. I am still friends with everyone involved.)
Michael's response (06.02.05):
"I have come to the conclusion that you are an advanced form of life. I'm certain that you have been visited by a Tramalfadorian and therefore capable of inhabiting many time bubbles at once. This can be the only explanation for your level of emotional maturity. If you've been keeping up with your Vonegut then you know what I mean. So it goes."
My response (06.02.05):
"Slaughterhouse-Five is one of my all-time favorite books, so maybe, while reading it for the first time as a kid, I was implanted with a Tramalfadorian brain. Maybe that explains everything... So it goes."
...And so began a great mental tennis match which has grown over the months into a hilarious, hyper-sexual, intellectual friendship which recently culminated in what will probably prove to be the most amazing, life-affirming turningpoint, aka vacation, of my life to date - an experience called Burning Man. More to come on that...
I think I'll even include the comments, which are funny and poignant. Ah, memories...
Entry dated 05.29.05 - Title: FULL MOON FEVER
Odd how life is cyclical. I've always been effected by the moon. I can tell days before it is at its fullest that's it's a'comin'. I feel it ~ my senses are heightened and sometimes my thoughts get scrambled and my thinking thick.
Notice next time how all the crazies on the street get crazier and more aggressive around the full moon.
My mother used to be a nurse who worked in what she termed "the loony bin" of a retirement home - the "mez" (aka the mezzanine of the building) where they stashed all the patients with dementia and other assorted psychotic ailments. She would always know a week out that the full moon was on its way, even without looking at a calendar, because "the natives [were] getting restless."
Appropriately enough, my never-politically-correct mother has now become one of these loonies herself. She hasn't left the house in 2 years, except for the occasional Dr's appointment, and then it takes hours to coax her out of the house. She's afraid of everyone and everything. *sigh* Must be why I'm so the opposite, always seeking out and throwing myself into the next adventure with full abandon. Life's too short.
She & my father live in Florida - "God's Waiting Room" as my friend, who used to live in Florida (and who calls me Leggy McLegsalot), has dubbed it. It's so true - a nice way to encapsulate the state of Florida (even though I don't believe in any god). My parents are both 77 and seem to just be biding their time, waiting to die. At least my father, a professional bass player since the age of 18, still plays with his little jazz combo and is trying to make the best of things.
This last full moon really made me loony. I did not sprout fur, claws or gnarly fangs, but it was quite intense nonetheless. Granted, there were extenuating circumstances which have now worked themselves out, thank jebus. I'm just glad it's over. Life is back to normal... as normal as my life can ever be.
I celebrated a milestone anniversary of friendship with my ex recently. So nice to still be able to be friends after trudging through the muck-filled trenches of shite that we did. The long celebration ended with a positive omen - "The New Zoo Revue" came on TV, a terrible old kids show which we happened to watch the morning after the night we met, many moons ago; a night that started "the longest one-night stand" either of us has ever had. It was the first time we saw it since that day. Omen. Good. Happy. Love.
Comment from Michael, dated June 1, 2005:
"you don't know me but i've been reading your entries. creepy, huh? I've had things like that happen. the ex becomes a close friend; then one day closer still, then closer, then the next thing you know you're back together and all the reasons you broke up come like one of those homeless people you spoke about. you can hear them up the street shouting, getting louder as they stagger down the street yelling at the flier covered telephone poles. occassionally stopping to yell at a person. mesmorized you watch unable to tear your eyes away when suddenly realize he's right there. the rancid air surrounds you and he's yelling... anyway you get the picture. hey, after that little paragraph i'm sure you're just dying to be friends with me!"
My response (06.01.05):
"I don't know how long you've been stalking me... ummm... er, I mean reading my entries, but I am not your average ex. Read a column I wrote about my... uh... um... way of life:
http://www.sexwrecks.com/2005/03/poly_wanna_hare.html
But yes, after reading that paragraph, I am dying to be friends with you! You're hilarious!"
Michael's response (06.01.05):
"STALKING?! I'll have you know I don't stalk... I lurk. There's a difference you know. Anyway I have read one of your columns and... oh wait, no I haven't... oh crap. I liked the column by the way. However, me being the hopeless romantic I have one question. Does love ever come into the equation? I've been in polyamorous relationships before and it seems that someone always gets hurt. No matter how open and honest (within limits of course) the relationship seems to be. I was truly, madly, deeply in love once and I couldn't stand the thought of her being with another man. If I did think about it I found myself laying awake all night chewing my fingernails off and wondering what the hell I was going to do without any fingernails and how come I wasn't enough. But I was young. At some point in those poly relationships I was in, someone always wanted more. Maybe I'm just an immortal, cosmo-reading*, sex god and they became addicted to multi-orgasms as though I were some biological meth. Yep, that's gotta be it! Now I wonder if it would be possible to have an isosoles love-triangle?"
(*Note: To this Cosmo-reading reference, I left him a comment: "Helen Gurley Brown is Satan.")
My response (06.02.05):
"Ooops - SORRRRRY - I do know the difference between stalking and lurking, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it: "How long have you been lurking me?" In fact, I don't even think it's grammatically correct. That aside, yes, love does very much come into play. I am currently living in more of a pentacle - at least on my side of the equation - and I'm in the center. It's all very complicated, compartmentalized and fluid... and time-consuming. I very much love the guy I'm living with and, to differing degrees, love/like-very-much everyone else I'm involved with, depending on how long I've known them. My ex feels more like a brother to me now - if we were from Alabama!!! That anniversary I spoke of was our 20th - which will give you an idea of how old I am - and we don't plan to get back together anytime in the foreseeable future because we KNOW we drive each other insane. We like our current brand of unconventional sanity better. What you said about wondering why you weren't enough - I don't feel like that. I spent such a long time with one person that I know one person can't be everything to me and I don't expect that I can be everything to one person.**
It's like a puzzle where all the pieces fit together in some odd, jigsaw way - when combined together, they make a complete picture. Plus, I'd rather be in a conglomerate of relationships where it's an open, accepted fact that everyone is seeing other people. I don't want to know too many details; I just want to know that I'm not being lied to or that someone isn't trying to put one over on me.***
My live-in love is a brothah from anothah planet and has lived most of his adult life this way. As for someone wanting more, only time will tell. And... I feel a sixth side coming on as well - what is that called - a sextacle? Damn - geometry was a long time ago - and I remember thinking "How in the hell am I ever going to use this in my daily life?" Little did I know..."
(**Note: RE: the statement of "one person can't be everything to me and I don't expect that I can be everything to one person" - of this I am no longer so cut-and-dry, so definitively sure. I've come to a point in my life where one of my main goals is to keep an open mind.)
(***Note: In reference to my poly-lifestyle, I have since disbanded my harem. As time went on, it became more and more fake-feeling, like I was doing it just on principle, as opposed to any genuine emotion or enjoyment - and hell yeah, it took up a hella lot of time. I am still friends with everyone involved.)
Michael's response (06.02.05):
"I have come to the conclusion that you are an advanced form of life. I'm certain that you have been visited by a Tramalfadorian and therefore capable of inhabiting many time bubbles at once. This can be the only explanation for your level of emotional maturity. If you've been keeping up with your Vonegut then you know what I mean. So it goes."
My response (06.02.05):
"Slaughterhouse-Five is one of my all-time favorite books, so maybe, while reading it for the first time as a kid, I was implanted with a Tramalfadorian brain. Maybe that explains everything... So it goes."
...And so began a great mental tennis match which has grown over the months into a hilarious, hyper-sexual, intellectual friendship which recently culminated in what will probably prove to be the most amazing, life-affirming turningpoint, aka vacation, of my life to date - an experience called Burning Man. More to come on that...
maxk:
Love the here comes trouble pic! 
hermes:
Mental tennis rocks, although decent players are *definitely* hard to come by... 