lalayla

For those that read my last blog, that whole experience still has me terrified. I feel a bit stupid because I know some people get panic attacks all the time, or have worse problems, so I shouldnt complain. At least Im still doing good in school - but thats about it. Its only been a few weeks since the incident, and Im still hoping that time will help, but I feel like a completely different person since my panic attack. I laugh at myself for thinking I had an anxiety problem before. I just wish I had never even tried to get help, because then I wouldnt have gotten that evil medication. My daily anxiety level is at least 5x what it was before, and its a totally different feeling. Instead of just being hot, sweaty, and having a horribel stomach ache when I get nervous, now its mostly my breathing. I havent had anymore panic attacks, but I often get the sudden feeling that I cant take a full breath - which leads to reminding me about the panic attacks, which of course leads to a bit of PANIC - which usually results in me taking meds so I can sleep. I felt pretty good for a few days this week, then one night I got nervous and my legs started twitching and trembling, so the next day I was jittery and depressed. Then it happened the next night! Then 2 nights later, my best friend took me out to dinner for a late bday. I was starving when we got there, as soon as the food came, I couldnt touch it. I had to go to the bathroom every few minutes to do breathing exercises, which didnt help, so out came the meds and we had to leave, without getting cheesecake, which was the main reason we went to this place. Im sorry to tell these stories, the last thing I want is to make other people feel nervous! But I just have to. Im so scared, and angry, and sad I know things will get better, I just started therapy for the first time, and maybe eventually I will have the courage to try a different SSRI and get off these tranquilizers. I know Im gonna be ok, but Im not going to feel ok, if that makes any sense?