ladymaze

I can't wait to be finally moved out of the House of Lurve and into the condo with my Monkey. This in-between-ish-ness is wearing on me.

Most of my stuff is still here, in the city, but it doesn't feel like my home anymore. It's the place I store things, and stay in once in a while, and visit briefly with friends (the roomies) I feel increasingly and depressingly distanced from, by life and circumstance.

I come in. I check for new additions to the mail table. I pet the cats. I sleep...quite poorly, usually, because I can no longer sleep comfortably without the Monkey's warm back to curl against. I don't even eat much, usually, since I haven't grocery shopped for THIS living locale in a while. Maybe I do the laundry, if I have time... Maybe I see one or two of the roommates for five minutes or so. I work on homework. Then I leave again, and go to the place I really live.

Teh Opheliar-babe and the tall red Kamel thingie painted the Intense Teal Living Room of Joy to plain white while I was gone earlier in the week. I came home and didn't recognize the place. It was shocking, and even more depressing, and brought home to me the fact that this place is not ours anymore. I am ashamed to say that, in my shock, I didn't even thank them for painting, but sort of muttered something about how sad it was to see the place so white...and ran off upstairs to be stressed out. (So a belated thanks, guys! Appreciated!)


(BTW...I am not looking forward to painting my own room back to white...it has very tall walls, and I'm a very small person. But then, I'm the one who chose to paint it dark green; I knew I'd have to paint over that eventually. So I shan't complain....any more than I already have. )


I'm not quite sure how the feeling that I don't really live here came about, really, but I do feel like it's been growing for a long time. Some combination of: 1) the Monkey's entrance into my life and the subsequent relocation of my heart's home to that warm sleepy spot beside him on the bed; 2) the split and distanced nature of this house's floorplan, and 3) the mere fact of having to learn to deal with multiple roommates and their assorted living habits and moods after two years of living utterly alone has driven me first into the corners and cracks of my own apartment and then farther, into the comfortable shared-life existence of the Monkey's condo.


So, yes...I love my roomies, and there were many things I loved about living here, with them. But, with that said, and with no slight or disrespect intended towards them whatsoever, I simply cannot wait to move out and enter a new phase of my relationship and my life.