Still going strong.
Got a lot to do this week - moving into a new flat with a very good friend. We click like mad and though we've known 'of ' each other since we were 11 we've only in recent months begun talking and realising how much we have in common and how well we get along. He's gay so it's not like there'll be any sexual tension, lol, and he's so amazing in so many ways, i feel so lucky to be about to be living with him!!
Dad's on the codeine, he has been for... at least 5 years, he goes to around 6 pharmacies a month so no one gets suspicious. He's also on a high dose of clonazepam. This is the reason I need to get out of home so badly. When he's happy, it's not him, it's the drugs. He's a child. He really is. I cannot be around that sort of behaviour when i'm on this clean path and 100% sure about staying on it. He was the one supplying me. I don't blame him but he could have acted in a different way and not been so weak.
It's hard to have that as a role model. I admire him in so many other ways. It breaks my heart to know he can't cope with life without these things.
I know I did it too - but I became addicted when very young and my CFS was tearing my self-esteem and life apart. Now i'm an adult i've decided to make changes. I shouldn't blame him and I should perhaps accept he's been through a lot too. But as i said, it's hard.
I feel guilty leaving mum to deal with it alone even though i've been down in Dunedin the whole first part of the year. He doesn't come home till 11pm at night. He is currently throwing everything into a mess by deciding he wants to move his business to Raratonga on a whim and leave mum to be forced to retire when she enjoys her job.
I know being forced to live in Raratonga doesn't exactly sound like torture, but she'd be alone. What would she do? Sit on the beach alone all day and read? With no one she knows for company and dad probably preoccupied the whole time with work? I guess it's what a lot of woman put up with but this is my mum and i want better for her. I can't stay here though and I can't go there.
I suppose I just can't afford to worry about them so much? But how can I not?
Anyway.
I'm getting a new car which will be nice. Everything in my life will be completely changed in a few weeks. All for the good.
I went to a bar on Saturday and consumed three drinks within 6 hours. Stayed sober basically. I'm very proud of that. Seeing these people stumbling around unable to hold proper conversations was disturbing. I know not all drinkers are like that but I was, it was a good wake up call and literally a sobering experience.
So no hangover, no resulting depression, no relapse of CFS. All good.
I do still need to join a gym with a pool and I WILL do that this week. I bought this gorgeous (i think) red swimsuit that's a very pin-up girl sort of style, i simply love it.
So yeah, it's still early days but i feel that i'm laying solid foundations. Going to meetings two to three times a week which keep me strong and motivated.
Life is good. I'm happy. And not because i'm high. Unheard of.
Got a lot to do this week - moving into a new flat with a very good friend. We click like mad and though we've known 'of ' each other since we were 11 we've only in recent months begun talking and realising how much we have in common and how well we get along. He's gay so it's not like there'll be any sexual tension, lol, and he's so amazing in so many ways, i feel so lucky to be about to be living with him!!
Dad's on the codeine, he has been for... at least 5 years, he goes to around 6 pharmacies a month so no one gets suspicious. He's also on a high dose of clonazepam. This is the reason I need to get out of home so badly. When he's happy, it's not him, it's the drugs. He's a child. He really is. I cannot be around that sort of behaviour when i'm on this clean path and 100% sure about staying on it. He was the one supplying me. I don't blame him but he could have acted in a different way and not been so weak.
It's hard to have that as a role model. I admire him in so many other ways. It breaks my heart to know he can't cope with life without these things.
I know I did it too - but I became addicted when very young and my CFS was tearing my self-esteem and life apart. Now i'm an adult i've decided to make changes. I shouldn't blame him and I should perhaps accept he's been through a lot too. But as i said, it's hard.
I feel guilty leaving mum to deal with it alone even though i've been down in Dunedin the whole first part of the year. He doesn't come home till 11pm at night. He is currently throwing everything into a mess by deciding he wants to move his business to Raratonga on a whim and leave mum to be forced to retire when she enjoys her job.
I know being forced to live in Raratonga doesn't exactly sound like torture, but she'd be alone. What would she do? Sit on the beach alone all day and read? With no one she knows for company and dad probably preoccupied the whole time with work? I guess it's what a lot of woman put up with but this is my mum and i want better for her. I can't stay here though and I can't go there.
I suppose I just can't afford to worry about them so much? But how can I not?
Anyway.
I'm getting a new car which will be nice. Everything in my life will be completely changed in a few weeks. All for the good.
I went to a bar on Saturday and consumed three drinks within 6 hours. Stayed sober basically. I'm very proud of that. Seeing these people stumbling around unable to hold proper conversations was disturbing. I know not all drinkers are like that but I was, it was a good wake up call and literally a sobering experience.
So no hangover, no resulting depression, no relapse of CFS. All good.
I do still need to join a gym with a pool and I WILL do that this week. I bought this gorgeous (i think) red swimsuit that's a very pin-up girl sort of style, i simply love it.
So yeah, it's still early days but i feel that i'm laying solid foundations. Going to meetings two to three times a week which keep me strong and motivated.
Life is good. I'm happy. And not because i'm high. Unheard of.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Keep up the hard work!
Love ya babe!
Gary