So i've been feeling a great need to vent lately. And suddenly I remembered there was such a thing as blogs and that you can just take a large dump and leave it for people to catch a whift of.
Anyway.
So everything's pretty normal - i'm thinking rehab is now my only option because i've now tried three times to quit the nurofen plus (codeine) and been through the worst hell ever - but i can never make it. I can't do it on my own. I only just told my mother i've been taking what i referred to as 'a few too many'. That's the last thing i wanted to do; tell my parents. They've been through enough of this shit for 10 lifetimes. Why is it i have to constantly take something, ANYTHING, that may cause my death. I crashed a car this week. Oh well, totalled. Wrote off. Second car this year. 1st = drunken horrific crash i can't believe i'm alive. 2nd. Backed into a tree in the driveway. I'd just woken up from a codeine induced coma. Lucky i didn't get out of the driveway.
So anyway, rehab. I obviously can't do this alone. Rehab doesn't make things easier, it makes it possible. It will still be horrible. Worst of all i've been before and now i'm older, i'll make my opinions known, last time i didnt. I rebelled in subtle ways, the worst of all stealing drugs, bringing alcohol back and .. I've forgotten. I was redeemed slightly when i stopped a suicide attempt. At the tender age of 17. I guess it's not that young.
I'm depressed as a mother fucker. I've got that whole urge to cry/smash my head into something feeling. I just had my four day attempt at detox, im back on today, i could stop again now but im out of weed, valium and most importantly energy. My Cfs doesnt help. Oh wtf i watched this thing of Ricky Gervais taking the piss out of M.E. "Oh i don't feel like going to work.... I've got M.E" Prick. Humourous i suppose.
This stuff is killing me, no doubt of it, and fast too. My kidney's won't hold up much longer and i can feel my stomach lining going.
Sigh.
I just want to get things sorted, in my life, in my head, in my body find myself a nice man and Relax.
That's not going to happen is it.
Oh I quit smoking, like three weeks now.
Anyway.
So everything's pretty normal - i'm thinking rehab is now my only option because i've now tried three times to quit the nurofen plus (codeine) and been through the worst hell ever - but i can never make it. I can't do it on my own. I only just told my mother i've been taking what i referred to as 'a few too many'. That's the last thing i wanted to do; tell my parents. They've been through enough of this shit for 10 lifetimes. Why is it i have to constantly take something, ANYTHING, that may cause my death. I crashed a car this week. Oh well, totalled. Wrote off. Second car this year. 1st = drunken horrific crash i can't believe i'm alive. 2nd. Backed into a tree in the driveway. I'd just woken up from a codeine induced coma. Lucky i didn't get out of the driveway.
So anyway, rehab. I obviously can't do this alone. Rehab doesn't make things easier, it makes it possible. It will still be horrible. Worst of all i've been before and now i'm older, i'll make my opinions known, last time i didnt. I rebelled in subtle ways, the worst of all stealing drugs, bringing alcohol back and .. I've forgotten. I was redeemed slightly when i stopped a suicide attempt. At the tender age of 17. I guess it's not that young.
I'm depressed as a mother fucker. I've got that whole urge to cry/smash my head into something feeling. I just had my four day attempt at detox, im back on today, i could stop again now but im out of weed, valium and most importantly energy. My Cfs doesnt help. Oh wtf i watched this thing of Ricky Gervais taking the piss out of M.E. "Oh i don't feel like going to work.... I've got M.E" Prick. Humourous i suppose.
This stuff is killing me, no doubt of it, and fast too. My kidney's won't hold up much longer and i can feel my stomach lining going.
Sigh.
I just want to get things sorted, in my life, in my head, in my body find myself a nice man and Relax.
That's not going to happen is it.
Oh I quit smoking, like three weeks now.
But seriously, GET INTO REHAB PRONTO. Tell your parents about your problem. You need their support / asskicking. You need to get yourself well, that is your first priority.
love you,
gary