ladylovelybrit

I am getting tired of being this big, James goes on and on about how beautiful I am, but its not about beauty for me, its about function, I've gained over 20 pounds this past month, I am really surprised I haven't gotten diabetes or something, I eat because I am so depressed because I can't find a job and wedding issues are driving me crazy, and I can't afford any fucking cigarettes. Sigh.

Plus James and I really wanted to try and get pregnant, and there is no way in hell I want to be this big BEFORE I get pregnant, I mean isn't that unhealthy for the baby? I just want to be healthy and I feel nowhere near it. I am always tired, even the household chores feel like a 12 hr job. I just want to sleep all day.

And to add insult to injury James' mother is driving me up the fucking wall, I've starting hanging out with her again, and I thought I wanted to try and be friends, but I am slowly but surely rethinking it. She says she wants us to have a special relationship and that she hopes we can, but her version of a special relationship is me doing everything she wants all the fucking time, she wants me to be a drone of her and right now she is a whole new bag of crazy I just can't really deal with.

I feel like all this shit is going to end up putting me in the hospital again. I just don't want to talk to anyone, I come on here because I like being able to talk to a wall that is supportive and isn't too fucking busy and wants to listen, and my only friend in real life besides my mother is dealing with two sick kids and she never answers my calls. Sigh.