lady_lunacy

tonight
i turned my solitude into dance
naked and humid from the summers heat
i simply danced.
it was beautiful and sad at moments,
at some points i caught my reflection in the mirror
and found myself hating my body.
i felt my lumps and bumps
wished them gone
caught myself hating myself
and stopped.
then i danced even harder
felt myself stretch
felt my...
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Epic.

Having my best guy friend Joey in town was amazing. I sang in the streets, found myself in a mosh pit (with black n blues to match) and ended up smoking anyways, even though I said I wouldn't. The moment was too perfect to let pass. My best friends, and my new love, all in one house, sitting around a table , smoking out...
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this weekend approaches... i walk faster towards it.

it's going to be epic.

my Joey-seph (one of my BFFs) is coming to visit from Korea, we are crashing at Maria-seph's (another BFF) house, pool party, hookah, yumz, fun times. They'll enjoy some trees but Ill just watch since I might be peeing in a cup soon (totally not risking Ivy League glory for being high...
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el silencio
grita

mata
y
da vida.

Insight of the Week:

I fear failure... thus, avoiding fully engaging in the prospects of success.
I fear heartache... thus, avoiding fully engaging in the prospects of love.
I fear mistakes... thus avoiding fulling engaging in the prospects of the risks and the unknown.

Taken together, if I fear success, love and the unknown, I am fearing LIFE itself.

The sum of my fears divides...
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Somewhere between the comics and the old Happy Meal toy bins, I knew.

I am happy.

Somewhere between the Jack & Coke and the love making, I knew.

He makes me happy.

But then fear.

None of the Superheros at Comic Con could save me from this... this .... this.... emotion.

I stopped. Sat. Thought.

NO MORE FEAR..... of love or mistakes.... fearing these means...
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UPDATE:

FAIL. Shitty day. My friend bailed for dinner and I bailed for the birthday party.

Don't know how to tell my friend that I bailed on her birthday because I was too tired, broke and sad. Honestly is best policy... I'll send an email and hope for the best. If not, my reason for being sad are true indeed.

Meh.

Nothing Comic Con won't...
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Four hours of sleep, two hour train ride to work.

Running a Women's Psychotherapy group today.... I anticipate alot of anxiety about the upcoming Apocalypse tomorrow... In reality, I wish I could just tell them "Fuck it! Lets smoke some trees and chill... don't worry about it ".

Dinner with best friend (since she became a momma she doesnt get out often) and birthday party...
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Your beauty highlights my own. Thank you SG, for reminding me of me.