*sigh*
I long for the way things used to be. When we just enjoyed each other...no pretenses, no expectations. Somewhere along the way, things got complicated and subsequently took its toll. I know that his priority is to get his life back on track right now, and I am totally in support of him being happy with himself again. But, at what point in this process, did I no longer matter? At what point did I go from one of the top things on his list, to the bottom? He's never treated me badly, it is his indifference that makes me crazy.
I still adore him....still adore what we had. Do you think it is ever possible to go back and re-discover what was?
This has(had) been the healthiest and most gratifying relationship that I've ever had. He made me feel like I was worth something, not only to him, but to the world. He believed that I had the ability to make such a big impact on people and that I would become more successful that I could ever imagine. He saw a light in me.
I don't know if this is why I can't just let go. I know that I love him. I'm pretty sure (at least at some point) that he loved me the same way. I'm just not sure that his heart is open to that anymore - or that it ever fully was. As soon as things got hard, as soon as the distance started to take its toll, he ran. This makes me want to let go and move on.
Something always holds me back.
'It's only love that gets you through."
On another note - I'm going with my Mom on Wednesday to see a specialist about a lump that was detected during her recent mammogram. I suspect it isn't serious since these type of lump tend to run in the women in my family. I have even had one before. I can't pretend though, that I'm not terrified of the possibility that something may actually be wrong. I can't even fathom not having her in my life. Growing up, we bickered and never really understood each other. These last three years have been pivotal in our relationship, and we are better than ever. Keep us in your prayers.
This is a banner summer, I tell ya.
I long for the way things used to be. When we just enjoyed each other...no pretenses, no expectations. Somewhere along the way, things got complicated and subsequently took its toll. I know that his priority is to get his life back on track right now, and I am totally in support of him being happy with himself again. But, at what point in this process, did I no longer matter? At what point did I go from one of the top things on his list, to the bottom? He's never treated me badly, it is his indifference that makes me crazy.
I still adore him....still adore what we had. Do you think it is ever possible to go back and re-discover what was?
This has(had) been the healthiest and most gratifying relationship that I've ever had. He made me feel like I was worth something, not only to him, but to the world. He believed that I had the ability to make such a big impact on people and that I would become more successful that I could ever imagine. He saw a light in me.
I don't know if this is why I can't just let go. I know that I love him. I'm pretty sure (at least at some point) that he loved me the same way. I'm just not sure that his heart is open to that anymore - or that it ever fully was. As soon as things got hard, as soon as the distance started to take its toll, he ran. This makes me want to let go and move on.
Something always holds me back.
'It's only love that gets you through."
On another note - I'm going with my Mom on Wednesday to see a specialist about a lump that was detected during her recent mammogram. I suspect it isn't serious since these type of lump tend to run in the women in my family. I have even had one before. I can't pretend though, that I'm not terrified of the possibility that something may actually be wrong. I can't even fathom not having her in my life. Growing up, we bickered and never really understood each other. These last three years have been pivotal in our relationship, and we are better than ever. Keep us in your prayers.
This is a banner summer, I tell ya.
a_vanity:
Holy crap. Hope everything goes well with your Mum. And on the relationship stuff.. just make sure you are mourning what really was instead of what you really need it to be. Now is a good time to work on yourself and show yourself that YOU matter!! 