I am kind of feeling like the "Third Wheel" in many situations lately. I looked it up, because I am a total geek and need to know the meaning of EVERYTHING; and after reading the definition, I realized "yeah, that is what's been going on."
Problem is, I am not used to being the outsider or the tag a long. By my astrological profile and nature, Libra's are almost always the center of attention. I usually am. I always welcome new people to the crowd and feel the more the better. I wonder if I ever treated someone that way and maybe this is Karma? Though I never would have done it intentionally.
So the story goes...... a friend of mine was married for 15 years- on the outside it seemed like an ok marriage. I could see right off the bat they were total polar opposites, like me and my husband. Everyone thinks opposites attract right?
I don't believe that and never will. Click hereto see why.
So my friend has got a separation from her husband, well because other than the fact, they were not really compatible, she fell in love, with another woman. I think it is great, I see how happy she is now, and the woman she is now in a relationship with, is someone I always liked and even crushed on at one point.
So we have the mathematical equation of this
My Friend - experiencing single life, having every other weekend free from kids and the love of a new relationship that is exciting and different.
The Friends Girlfriend- no responsibilities, no strings, can do what she wants, when she wants which is what my friend and myself have always wanted to experience.
Then there is ME- unhappy marriage, terrible sex life, but the man is a good father and provider for the kids. I also never experienced those "young adult" years where partying, spontaneity and being with friends was all you did. I never want to be home (because I have spent 100% of my life outside of work and school there) so I acting like a resentful and defiant teenager, because my spouse is more of a father than a husband. I just tell him I am going out and he is not welcome. Of course this causes a huge fight but I have gotten to the point that I don't care. I work hard, and I worked even harder to get where I am. Why can't I enjoy my life, if he can?
So the three of us are partying HARD every other weekend, sometimes more, but it is now getting to the point where I feel like there is no point to me being there. They are in love and all PDA's to the extreme and I look like the poor unfortunate girl that no on picked for their team.
See previous blog about "MISS REJECTION"
I'm stuck. I want to have lots of friends who want to actually do things that are FUN, not just playdates and afternoon tea.
I want a lover, who is a good lover, who makes me feel desirable and who I desire. I guess PASSION is the correct term. I like hanging out and doing things with them, but I really do feel like I am just there out of pity or loyalty or something.
I felt this at my new job when I started too. It was a girl and a guy on the team and they worked together for a year before I came in.
He has an ego so big, it can't fit through the door. He is the BIG man around campus, he has all the answers and he want's to look like the other girl's savior.
She is a victim, always the victim. You know it too, cause all she does is talk about how unfortunate her life is and how many medical problems she has and how her daughter treats her and it goes on.
So of course she is always wanting Mr.Ego to save her and pick her up and hold her hand etc etc. Its not romantic either, she is almost old enough to be his mother.
However when I came in it rocked the boat for two reasons:
1. I do not need a savior, I don't roll with the EGO trip bullshit and I DO know more than him, however I don't brag about it. I am a problem solver, but don't need a gold medal. Therefore, I don't need him to SAVE me.
2. I cannot handle the victim mentality manipulator personality. The constant complaints and need for approval and re-assurance from her is really really irritating. I feel like saying to her "lady, get a fucking clue".
We all have problems, my problems and past far surpass her minor fucking issues. Dealing with it and learning to depend on yourself is what makes you strong. Not complaining and manipulating someone else into standing up for you.
So this has placed me at the third wheel position at work too. Maybe if my personal life wasn't messed up I wouldn't care so much about the work thing. Its just like I feel its enough already.
And on another note, I saw this on post secret today.....
and it struck a chord. There is a song that I hear frequently, and every time I do, the memories of him being alive and his sarcasm and wit and even our fights come flooding back. I hurts all over again.
Problem is, I am not used to being the outsider or the tag a long. By my astrological profile and nature, Libra's are almost always the center of attention. I usually am. I always welcome new people to the crowd and feel the more the better. I wonder if I ever treated someone that way and maybe this is Karma? Though I never would have done it intentionally.
So the story goes...... a friend of mine was married for 15 years- on the outside it seemed like an ok marriage. I could see right off the bat they were total polar opposites, like me and my husband. Everyone thinks opposites attract right?
I don't believe that and never will. Click hereto see why.
So my friend has got a separation from her husband, well because other than the fact, they were not really compatible, she fell in love, with another woman. I think it is great, I see how happy she is now, and the woman she is now in a relationship with, is someone I always liked and even crushed on at one point.
So we have the mathematical equation of this
My Friend - experiencing single life, having every other weekend free from kids and the love of a new relationship that is exciting and different.
The Friends Girlfriend- no responsibilities, no strings, can do what she wants, when she wants which is what my friend and myself have always wanted to experience.
Then there is ME- unhappy marriage, terrible sex life, but the man is a good father and provider for the kids. I also never experienced those "young adult" years where partying, spontaneity and being with friends was all you did. I never want to be home (because I have spent 100% of my life outside of work and school there) so I acting like a resentful and defiant teenager, because my spouse is more of a father than a husband. I just tell him I am going out and he is not welcome. Of course this causes a huge fight but I have gotten to the point that I don't care. I work hard, and I worked even harder to get where I am. Why can't I enjoy my life, if he can?
So the three of us are partying HARD every other weekend, sometimes more, but it is now getting to the point where I feel like there is no point to me being there. They are in love and all PDA's to the extreme and I look like the poor unfortunate girl that no on picked for their team.
See previous blog about "MISS REJECTION"
I'm stuck. I want to have lots of friends who want to actually do things that are FUN, not just playdates and afternoon tea.
I want a lover, who is a good lover, who makes me feel desirable and who I desire. I guess PASSION is the correct term. I like hanging out and doing things with them, but I really do feel like I am just there out of pity or loyalty or something.
I felt this at my new job when I started too. It was a girl and a guy on the team and they worked together for a year before I came in.
He has an ego so big, it can't fit through the door. He is the BIG man around campus, he has all the answers and he want's to look like the other girl's savior.
She is a victim, always the victim. You know it too, cause all she does is talk about how unfortunate her life is and how many medical problems she has and how her daughter treats her and it goes on.
So of course she is always wanting Mr.Ego to save her and pick her up and hold her hand etc etc. Its not romantic either, she is almost old enough to be his mother.
However when I came in it rocked the boat for two reasons:
1. I do not need a savior, I don't roll with the EGO trip bullshit and I DO know more than him, however I don't brag about it. I am a problem solver, but don't need a gold medal. Therefore, I don't need him to SAVE me.
2. I cannot handle the victim mentality manipulator personality. The constant complaints and need for approval and re-assurance from her is really really irritating. I feel like saying to her "lady, get a fucking clue".
We all have problems, my problems and past far surpass her minor fucking issues. Dealing with it and learning to depend on yourself is what makes you strong. Not complaining and manipulating someone else into standing up for you.
So this has placed me at the third wheel position at work too. Maybe if my personal life wasn't messed up I wouldn't care so much about the work thing. Its just like I feel its enough already.
And on another note, I saw this on post secret today.....
and it struck a chord. There is a song that I hear frequently, and every time I do, the memories of him being alive and his sarcasm and wit and even our fights come flooding back. I hurts all over again.